


Jung Hoseok vs Simon Park

by AccusedSanity



Category: DMTN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Drama, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-23 21:17:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4892542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccusedSanity/pseuds/AccusedSanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is actually not a Fanfic, it's an RP. Jung Hoseok, who is a bartender in this AU fic/RP is played by myself, and Simon Park, who's a hot University teacher is played by my friend, BunbunQuinn { https://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/317756} . If you want to see the original location of the RP, please PM, otherwise enjoy this little... chaotic adventure. </p><p>(Yes I turned Hobi into a sexual beast. Don't say you weren't imagining that too!)<br/>--<br/></p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually not a Fanfic, it's an RP. Jung Hoseok, who is a bartender in this AU fic/RP is played by myself, and Simon Park, who's a hot University teacher is played by my friend, BunbunQuinn { https://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/317756} . If you want to see the original location of the RP, please PM, otherwise enjoy this little... chaotic adventure. 
> 
> (Yes I turned Hobi into a sexual beast. Don't say you weren't imagining that too!)  
> \--  
> 

Jung Hoseok was nothing more than a quiet, tattooed bartender a few minutes before he arrived to the apartment he was sent to. He did not know where he was going, nor what he was sent there to do. In all honesty, he was too lazy to read the job description that was given to him by the director who hurriedly explained to him that he would be acting in an apartment for one week. For a week of non-scripted work, the pay was something he could not refuse.

What he was not expecting, however, was an angry, older roommate who could flip his switch so easily.


	2. Meeting

So this was it, huh?

 

Walking into the “set”, as it had been described to the university teacher, he found that it was very much lacking in any sort of ‘set-like’ qualities. No overly bright lights. No people buzzing around. No cue cards. 

 

Fuck. 

How was he supposed to get comfortable? This was like some uncanny valley shit, where it looked like a normal apartment, but there was just something inherently off about it. Simon just assumed it was knowing that he was under surveillance as the director walked him through the apartment, showing off the various features that the fully furnished place had. Simon’s only concern was where he could find the nearest bar, or if they had provided that for him, too. If the school he worked for considered this a vacation, he did too. And if the airtime was past midnight, he doubted most of his students would tune in to see him getting ‘turnt up’ or whatever it was the kids called it these days. 

Sometimes he felt so out of touch despite his time spent with the young men and women that would soon run the world, but sometimes he was thankful for it. 

 

Setting his bag down on the bed - which, curiously, there was only one of - Simon nodded along with the rules and standards and blah-blah-blah broadcasting terms and such. They wanted drama, sex, and stuff that gained them viewers, so pretty much everything was fair game and there were no cameras in the bedroom, which made everything implied. That was cool enough, at least Simon knew if he ended up drunk, he could just stay in bed and nobody would witness his personality change. Thanking the director once more, Simon walked him out before looking up at where one of the cameras was, adjusting his glasses. He had a little time to kill, waiting on his partner, so he decided to raid the fridge. 

 

He was happy to find, when they said fully stocked, they meant it. Some of his favorite food items - and more specifically, beverages - were stocked in the fridge for him to partake in, and the teacher wasted no time in digging right in, making himself a sandwich that would be spoken about forever and cracking open a soda. Leaning against the kitchen counter, Simon ate in silence, wondering exactly how long he’d have to wait to find out what his roommate would be like.

–

Hoseok, as expected was late again. There was a fight this time at the Nightclub, and he had to work along the bouncers to push the two men apart. It earned him a nice purple mark on his jaw. He was sick of this worthless job, but had nowhere better to go. He’d heard about a job offer as an actor on a strangely described TV show. He didn’t care much for plot as there was no script to memorize, and the pay was damn worth it.

He stood still at the front door of the apartment and stared down at the piece of paper that was handed to him by the director for location and job description. He was far too tired to look it over and just wanted to sleep for the time being. Hoseok turned the handle after sliding his key in and stepped in, throwing his bag to the closest chair to him and shuffled towards the kitchen for some water before bed. 

His heart struck his throat hard as soon as he stepped into the kitchen. He could not quite control his voice as a scream escaped and he grabbed on to the counter to his right for support, “You scared me!” he said through gasps. He rubbed his chest and frowned, “Who the hell are you?” he rudely blurted at the blond man with glasses.

–

Hearing the key turn in the lock, Simon’s carefully trained ears prepared him for the entrance of another into the living space, however, the response he earned was nothing short of shocking. He was not expecting the other to yelp so loudly - especially once he took in the outer visage, something that spoke of a much tougher interior - nor was he expecting the other to be so foul-mouthed when they just met. Shaking his head slightly, Simon set down the sandwich and ran a hand through his blond hair, pushing it back. 

“I’m Simon Park. Your roommate-date-whatever-you-want-to-call-it for the time being. Starting now, I believe we have seven days to get to know one another. I’m suddenly not looking forward to them.” His usual brisk tone floated throughout the room, still speaking like a teacher even though he was far removed from his usual environment. His eyes fluttered behind his glasses, from the other’s, to his bruised face, down to his worn in shoes, over to his carelessly tossed bag, and back up as Simon sized up his partner. Amazing. He would get stuck with someone that looked like he belonged in an inked weekly magazine. 

 

“Are you going to at least give me your name?” He asked quickly following his last words, disliking the rate he was waiting to hear anything in response from the easily startled male.

–

“Jung… Hoseok…” the words escaped his mouth instinctively as he gaped at the older male, he would have to assume. His words had struck him to complete immobility for a few moments. He, however, did not miss how the other scanned him after his harsh words. 

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, moving his eyes to the wrinkled paper still in his hands and reading the job description carefully this time. “We’re… a couple?” he absentmindedly spoke once more, mentally beating himself up for being so damn careless. How was he supposed to live with this stranger for a week while being expected to act like a couple? While being filmed! His thoughts ventured off to places where they shouldn’t, as his eyes examined the older man once more. He was dressed in long sleeves yet it was clear he took good care of his body. He had to admit he’d always had a thing for guys with glasses too, so that was a pretty good bonus. His mouth stretched to one side as he continued to imagine this man being beneath him, tied down, and struggling against the holds of the ropes- 

He shook his head and blinked a few times, moving towards the fridge and taking out a bottle of water. His eyes couldn’t help but find the man again, his frown only turning Hoseok on further as he chocked on his water. What the hell was he thinking?

–

It irked Simon to see that mouth gaped wide open, as though trying to catch something in it. It did make him think for a second, of tugging at the piercings he saw, wondering if they worked like little levers to get this other, “alternative”, young man to shut his lips. That would be nice. Then he wouldn’t have to stare into his mouth all afternoon. 

Finishing up the last bite of the carefully crafted and delicious sandwich, the elder kept his eyes on the tattooed male, trying to surmise a bit about him. Early 20s, no doubt, but that was the easy part. Career, likes (aside from needles), and anything other than “spacey” as an adjective were impossible to discern. But he must be thinking of something fairly twisted for his mouth to stretch into that half-grin, something that almost seemed… predatory. Ugh. He didn’t want to try and play those sorts of games with Simon. He’d have him hogtied and in a closet somewhere for the remainder of the week. Well… at least there were only 10,048 minutes left for them to survive, he thought, checking his watch. 

Picking up his plate as the other maneuvered around him to the fridge, Simon placed his dishes in the sink, unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling them up methodically, pushing them over his elbows. “Yeah, that’s what you signed up for. And clearly, they’re hoping for 'opposites attract’ with us.” He finally gave answer to Hoseok’s question as he started the water and began to wash his dishes. “So we may as well get to know a bit about one another. What do you do for a living?” He asked, not even bothering to turn his head.

–

Oh there it was. Oh he definitely liked this one and somehow the cameras staring back at him did not even slightly distress him. Thinking of this man pushed down while the cameras were rolling may have created the opposite effect as he freely allowed his friend to rise. 'Opposites attract huh? Damn right.’

His eyes slowly maneuvered across the older’s body, only stopping to gawk at his ass. Was this man a personal trainer by chance? There was something ultimately fascinating about this one and Hoseok wanted so badly to break him. 

“I’m a temporary bartender at a nightclub.” He walked towards the older and leaned against the counter, enjoying the look of disgust he was given by being far too close, “what did you think I was?” He gave him a once-over, the stretch to his lips increasing as he tried to control himself, “better yet, what do you do?” He emphasized the words as he closed the small space between them, still making sure to not touch him, but only making him as uncomfortable as possible.

–

The skin on the back of Simon’s neck prickled with the feeling of another being so close, and this time, it wasn’t the creepy feeling he had gotten when he first entered the apartment. Nope. This time it was definitely his supposed lover to be; sadly the proximity made the teacher feel more like Street Fighter than Romeo. His lips remained pulled taught in a grimace of disgust, and his eyes shifted to see where, or what this other guy was doing… For some godawful reason, he felt the need to watch his back - and more specifically, his ass - around him. 

Finishing up with the few eating implements that he had used, Simon set them up on the drying rack and reached to the side to tug at any random drawer, hoping for a dishcloth. Unfortunately, all he found was Hoseok’s hip, which did him no good, only leading to a rise in the feeling of 'strangle him now and get it over with’. Huffing a displeased breath through his nose, he turned the opposite way and went into the bathroom, grabbing a towel from there to dry his hands, and, perchance, to put some space between them. 

“I’m a teacher. I figured you were an artist, based on your many pieces, and that we might get along under those terms, but I see that isn’t the case.” The elder’s curt words were born with a soft smile, obviously faked, as he wondered what he would have to do to negate his contract for this show, or just gain a different 'date’ for the week. Simon leaned one shoulder into the doorway to the kitchen, keeping as much space between them as possible while still remaining polite and present. “At least if you’re a bartender, you’ll be able to make a decent martini for me if I asked, right?” His forced grin was bordering on painful now as he spared a little laugh, glad to drop the facade for a second and really just make a scornful comment.

–

'Nooo.. it can’t be… he’s a teacher!’ Hoseok tilted his head back and grunted while looking up into the ceiling. This was far too much for him to handle. Not only was this man completely sexy, even in his defensive manners, but he was even a teacher. Dominating him became Hoseok’s life goal. How could this man have such an impact on him so quickly he did not know, but he wasn’t going to fight it.

“Art huh?” Hoseok’s voice grew deeper with need, his head lowering again to raise an eyebrow at the man, “Well, like I said, temporary job. I’m training to become a dance teacher.” His steps were wide as he closed the distance between them once more, not knowing exactly when he became somewhat masochistic, his pleasure rising again and again with every scowl he received. His bulge was apparent now, greeting them through his leather-like jeans, and he did nothing to hide it. 

“But you know…” Hoseok began, licking his lips and eyeing the man lustfully, “I can do far more for you than just a meager martini” he was blocking Simon now, their faces as close as possible without having to touch, but he could feel the other’s increased breathing on his skin, never breaking eye contact. He was careful not to touch him however. Hoseok embraced his sexuality long ago, he was lustful, and loved teasing more than anything. He enjoyed many kinks and foreplay was something he possessed a certain gift for, however, he would not touch someone who did not want to be touched. Regardless of his forward appearance and sexual desires, Hoseok was gentle. 

He definitely wanted this one. He most certainly wanted to make him fidget and absolutely break him, but unless he was willing, Hoseok kept the small bit of distance intact.


	3. Dominance

Being dominated was on thing, being talked to in such a vulgar and seductive way as the elder had just done was, to Hoseok's mind, asking him to go insane. 'So he's a top' Hoseok licked his lips after the kiss, closing his eyes to control his breathing and shaking. He was so turned on at this point that he had forgotten all about his previous plans to break Simon into a million fragments beneath him. For now, a small piece of him- even if it were inside him- would do.

Hoseok moved quickly when the taller man moved away, his feet shifting sideways as he grabbed the man's collar and pushed him hard, bruises would be fun to see on him. Their lips were connected again and Hoseok wanted to hear this man moan at all costs. He bit down on his lower lip and was granted entrance as his tongue roamed the inside of the elder's mouth. His hands were now free to move about the other's body as permission was given in the form of a lustful, authoritative kiss.

Hoseok gripped Simon's shirt for support as his knees were shaking from excitement. He could feel the heat between them rising, his hips moving on their own, grinding against the elder's finally excited member.

Only moments passed before Hoseok separated their lips to breath, their foreheads touching slightly. Their eyes met again as he smirked, a certain thought popping to his head. Maybe this wasn't enough to vocalize the elder, but his next move might. He gave the other a small peck on the lips as a means to display his liking for him and his rough attitude before slowly sliding down Simon's body, facing his groin, his hands snaking down and undoing his belt and unbuttoning his jeans. Eye contact was a necessity with this one, he loved looking into his eyes and watching his expressions. "I may have blocked out everything you said hyung.." he used his teeth to unzip his pants, "May have only heard 'suck cock'". His smirk widened as he licked Simon's member through his boxers.

\--  
It wasn't as though this was a first for the teacher, having someone think they could dominate him - maybe it was the fact that he kept his hair bleached? who knows - So it was not exactly strange to see the awkward change in reaction, when Hoseok realized that he had to treat the man differently than he had been, but what happened next was hardly status quo, and far from what he imagined. 

Not that he could lie; Hoseok tasted like lust incarnate, and it was delicious, gladly giving himself over to the whims of the kiss he had teased the other with, all heated tempers and hungry lips. He even allowed the other to lead him along, gladly swallowing his anger to let Hoseok's thick tongue replace the feeling in his mouth, glad to share saliva rather than venom for a heated moment. This was almost surreal. Hoseok had to be doing it for the cameras. That was the only thought that kept running through Simon's head the entire time, though he gladly went along with the flow, his body mildly aroused as the other continued to try and work him over. 

Watching Hoseok slither down his legs and come to rest face-to-groin with his rapidly inflating length, the teacher let a hot breath work it's way out of his lips, still tasting the other written across them. He was unable to stop - either himself or the younger - from letting this go on, instead rolling his hips impatiently as the other spoke. He really did have terrible timing, didn't he? One hand, broad and obviously strong from his years of playing piano and the cello- went up, pushing the snapback from Hoseok's head and running his finger through his hair. It was soft, but that didn't change how Simon felt about him in the slightest, grabbing it in his fist and pulling the male even closer, rubbing his face over the wet cloth now covering his erection. 

"Suck, not tease, unless you want this to end quite quickly." Simon demanded, using his other hand to free his length, pushing the useless cloth down to meet his pants around his calves. God, something about this- this sort of hate-sex- was driving him mad, something one does not get the chance to experience everyday. Shoving his length past the confines of the younger's pierced lips, the elder wasted no time in getting his cock wet, the deep plunge he forced upon the other met with a shaky breath, and his teeth digging into his thick lower lip. No sound came from him yet; if Hoseok wanted to hear him moan, he'd have to work hard for it.  
\--  
Hoseok was not prepared to say the least, as Simon grabbed his hair and pushed his cock into his mouth without much warning. He enjoyed the rough treatment, that was clear enough as his own cock screamed for freedom, but to be choked so violently was another story. Hoseok coughed, his airways being blocked was not as easy to handle when you're not mentally ready. His tears pushed through as he dug his nails into the other's thighs and pushed against them attempting to release himself. The elder male may have acknowledge his movements as he loosened his grip slightly and allowed him to breath for a moment. "Rough aren't you teach? You like it when you punish your student with your cock?"

Hoseok wasted no time as he stroked Simon's cock while speaking. He wanted to let him in on his not so secret fetish, and once that was achieved, he shut himself up with the elder's member as he slid it back down his throat to the hilt. His throat masterfully closed in on the other's cock, tightening around it as he enjoyed the expressions he was making. He noticed that the other's grip had loosened on his hair from his previous discomfort, which would not do as he reached up and grabbed hold of the man's hand to tighten it and push on his head. 

As Simon pushed his cock repeatedly into his mouth, his tears quickened and his nails were still digging into the man's thigh as his other hand mindlessly moved down to release his own cock. Once removed from its confinement, he grabbed hold of it and worked it with the same momentum of sucking the teacher's cock. This was perfect. He knew the man had a kinky side to him from his previous threats and he wanted to drive him so far into the edge in order to release all those kinks and break Hoseok. He had yet to experience someone so willing to hurt and hate him and he knew this sex was going to be damn good if this man continued this behaviour.  
\--  
A light hum reverberated in Simon's chest when he felt the other begin to choke, a pleasured smile crossing his face. To have the other's throat spasming so tightly around his length, and to feel how Hoseok clawed and begged with his body for a breath... That kind of power just made Simon feel so relaxed for some weird reason. Relaxed and all smiles as he kept his eyes fixed on the younger's teary ones. God, this was like heaven. Until it all came crashing down of course.

Simon wouldn't make the younger choke on his cock forever, but was wishing he had when the other spoke to some sort of student/teacher fetish. It was always a student/teacher fetish when he first brought someone new to bed. Why couldn't he find someone that was into daddy kink or something else? It was almost as though people wanted to believe he fucked his students every time they were slightly out of line. The few that he did maintain that sort of relationship with... Well, for them, calling him teacher was part of the rules, so that was a moot point. 

Re-affixing the hand in the other's hair that had slipped as he was lost in thought, Simon scoffed as he began to fuck Hoseok's mouth relentlessly. "Who gave you permission to touch yourself?" He asked as he watched the younger's arm jerking quite quickly, burying his length one more time and holding him there, lips pressed against Simon's hips, no chance for a breath. "Be a good student and focus on the work at hand. You can't get your teacher off if you're worried about your cock as well. There will be time for that later." He grunted, eyes hooding over slightly as he waited, watching to see the compliance he hoped would happen, because if not... Well, he was already feeding into Hoseok's teacher kink, so his fuse was growing shorter and shorter by the second. Tying someone up had never seemed as appealing as it did right now.  
\--  
Choked again and ordered to not touch himself, Hoseok was itching to retaliate as he frowned into the violent hold on his head. He enjoyed this far more than he should have, but there was something not quite there yet. Maybe if he refused to do as he was told, the roles would be reversed and Simon would have to do as he was thinking. He loved listening to his raspy voice speak in such a filthy way, and hearing that grunt of pleasure caused a twitch to his neglected cock as it leaked precum on the floor. He needed something more. He needed it now.

Hoseok moved his head sideways and swiftly grabbed hold of the teacher's hand and twisted it enough to weaken the hold on his head as he pulled away, showing that he was much stronger than he looked. He smirked up at the man glaring down at him and rubbed the drool from his lips with the back of his hand, gasping for air. The man kicked off his pants and boxers, throwing them at Simon's furious face, not caring whether he would get beaten for the act or not. "Oops, sorry teach, my hand slipped" 

His movements were slower this time, making sure to allow the teacher to take in every bit of his alluring body as he stood teasingly. His long fingers wrapped around his shirt as he pulled it off and threw it behind him. "Is choking me all you know how to do?" he provoked further, spinning around purposefully and walking towards the closest counter to lean on it, enjoying the cold touch on the marble against the head of his cock. "It's kind of boring to get off like that, no?"  
\--  
The teacher regarded what happened next as a ploy for breath, and nothing more, giving the other the benefit of the doubt on how and why he pulled away, but... The blatant act of ripping off his clothes to throw them at Simon just proved Hoseok was begging for something far worse to happen to him. "You little..." His words came out growled, low and filled with hatred, eyes narrowing into nothing more than blackened slits as the other continued to strip and act so carefree about everything. He knew he was being provoking, but that didn't stop him from acting as impulse dictated; Right now, it dictated that he do everything in his power to leave the other a crumpled heap on the kitchen floor. 

Kicking off his own pants and boxers, Simon let his hands come up and work at the buttons of his shirt, finding the closed fabric over his tattooed chest quite cumbersome, especially when the other had the idea of being completely bare in front of him. Taking the few steps towards Hoseok to close their gap again - was the kitchen really that small and more importantly, why was he thinking about it now? - Simon's hands worked quickly to grab and pin him. One arm was twisted behind the younger's back, pinned up against his shoulder blades; If he moved it, there was a chance he'd dislocate his shoulder, and the hold Simon had on him also pushed his chest down into the counter. The other tugged his hips backwards, bending him over properly.

"Well, since you find the easy way out 'boring', I guess this will have to do. Do me a favor though: When you scream for mercy, don't beg for teacher. Call me Daddy." Simon bent over Hoseok's body to ensure his whispered words were heard close by the younger's ear as he arranged their figures to match. Giving no warning, no stretching, and no fucks about what he was doing, the elder lined his length up to Hoseok's hole and broke through that tight muscle that resisted him, forcing his way inside of the other the same way Hoseok had forced Simon to taste his tongue. Finally letting out the moan he'd been suppressing for quite some time, the teacher tightened his hold on the bartender's arm and hip, holding his place while he took advantage of the tight body that he had been given.  
\--  
All which he was hoping for was laid out for him so perfectly Hoseok was starting to think the other read minds. Regardless of the harsh words which accelerated the flow of precum from his own penis, and the pinning down so he wouldn't be able to move without consequences causing him to bite his lip and release a pleased groan, Hoseok was not prepared for what would happen next.

"Fuck!" he screamed as soon as the pain in his lower half struck him so hard it caused actual tears to slip through as he fought the urge to sob. 'Has this fucker never heard of lube?! At least use your fuckin' spit... shit...'

This was his doing, he was certain, and his pride was far too vast for him to stop this act before it even started. His mind was reminded again of the words the older man had ordered of him, and to ease the pain, he would have to increase his pleasure. "Daddy please..." he gasped through every thrust, his voice weaker than he'd ever heard it, "It hurts." he tried to reach behind him with his free arm.  
\--  
It wouldn't paint the blond in a fair light to lie; he loved this. Loved being in this much control, loved having someone to put in their place - Especially a tease like Hoseok. It was fitting, he felt, and more than satisfying on his end. God, the sound his voice made as it crept higher in a scream... If nothing else, it made Simon push himself more, to give the next thrust harder and harder, pushing what he would now consider 'his toy' harder into the counter, balancing his weight carefully on that pinned arm. 

Hearing the way Hoseok broke so easily though - That simple, pained whimper, the younger playing his game now - That was why he really did this. Just to establish his dominance. Cooing softly through a smug smirk, Simon released the grip he had held on the younger's hip, reaching out to grab his searching hand with those soft words, rubbing his thumb over the back of the inked flesh softly as he guided it down to Hoseok's neglected length, keeping his slightly larger hand over the other's as he slowly stroked his cock. 

"Shh, baby. Be a good boy and take it all..." His words came out thick with lust and a hint of smugness, indicating the look he wore that the younger could not see, although he was sure Hoseok could feel the way his cock throbbed deep within his walls after hearing that 'special' name that was rarely ever uttered to him before. "Daddy will make it feel good, I promise." He continued, feeding his own ego as the thrusts became slightly shallower, slower paced, and closer to how he should have started out in general. Not that he was being any nicer about how he fucked the tattooed male beneath him, but he did have a bit of a soft spot for his 'babies'.  
\--  
'Oh fuck me' Hoseok rolled his eyes at the sudden delicate behaviour that came out of the man who was a minute ago ready to rip him a new one. He was glad, however, to receive a little treat of a larger hand over his own, guiding him to absolute pleasure. Once his cock was hard enough and the pain subsided, Hoseok was going to make this extra fun for himself, and possibly for the other who so badly wanted to feel superiority. 

Simon had yet to experience Hoseok fully. The man was known for his flexibility and he paid no mind for what may happen if he were to attempt the latter. Nevertheless he wanted the angry man back, pounding him mercilessly, hurting him until he couldn't walk the next day- even if he may come to regret his impulsive decisions. Having a day off from work and possibly pounded again by this monster may have not-so-secretly turned Hoseok on further. 

His movements were quick and not as clumsy as he thought they would be. He let his cock slap against the counter, instead grabbing a strong hold of Simon's arm and pulling himself up on the marble and twisting his body with enough power to set the other off for only a moment- and a moment was all he needed. His shoulder flicked, a vile sound of bones moving out of place as he screamed but quickly recovered letting go of the older man's arm and grabbing hold of his neck instead. He pulled hard so their noses were touching and wrapped his legs around the man's hips. Hoseok gasped in pain but a smirk played on his face, silently proud of his own skill as he lay on his back- the cold marble easing some of his pain- the older man's cock still in it's place, warmed by his walls, throbbing excitedly. 

"Sorry, I may have allowed you some pleasure, daddy-" his breathing did not help his act the least bit, "but now it's my turn" he tightened his hold on Simon's neck and pushed on his ass with his heels. The push was stronger than he intended but the pleasure was equivalent as he pushed his head closer to the other's and connected their lips, breathing into his mouth more than actually kissing, "Fuck me like this, don't fucking hold back." he whispered into his mouth.  
\--  
The next few second seemed like a blur and Simon wasn't sure exactly what the other was doing, but quite frankly, he wasn't sure if he should be scared, tending to the nasty sound of crackling bone, or pissed that Hoseok was turning this around - again. 

"Shit..." 

He couldn't - nor did he try to - hide the singular, shocked word that poured out of his bitten lips, now remembering why he only kept certain people to play with like that. Not everybody could get away with being treated softly, and he was wrong to even slow down on this one. But fuck it, Hoseok seemed to be some sort of masochistic little nympho anyways, judging by the skill and scale of his full body twist with minor shoulder dislocation. Simon now just sought out to regain control, gain back the upper hand against the younger's insistent body, and fucked him back into submission. 

A large, strong hand wrapped around Hoseok's hip as Simon bared his teeth, hating the way the younger was speaking against his lips, the temptation of a kiss too hard to deny at this moment. Putting every one of his muscles to use, the blond spat words back the the dark haired male as his other hand slid under his chin, gripping his jaw tightly. He still wanted to strangle him, but would wait for next time to see if that would be cool - even Simon had certain boundaries he would not cross without permission. "Fucking little slut, was that not hard enough for you?" He growled out, now beyond pissed between the shift in position and the demanding words, pulling the younger's hips to his, letting Hoseok crash against his body with each thrust. His whole aim was to leave the younger bruised and bleeding now, and would not regret a damn thing.  
\--  
This was it, he was feeling it now and his body was shaking completely out of control. His mind alerted him at once the lack of control may lead to certain consequences he did not want to create as he let go of the other's throat, instead grabbing hold of his arm. His nails dug in further. Hoseok vocalized his pain and pleasure, still unable to control his breathing. His legs dropped, hanging on either side of the man as he arched his back, his moans louder than intended. He was definitely going to regret this in the morning.

His fingers felt wet with the other's blood as he dug in deeper unintentionally, "shit-" he gasped, moving his hand away, his eyes watching the older's ever changing expressions as he leaned closer into the kiss, moaning into his mouth as their tongues danced. His uninjured arm moved and found his rock hard member and began stroking- he wasn't going to last long at this point as his consciousness was beginning to fade. 

Swirls of white disrupted his vision, his stomach lurching as warmth spilled through his entire body. Hoseok moved his head to the side, breaking the kiss, "Fuck!" his voice was back now, loud and not a whimpering mess, "Hyung, I can't-" his hand quickened, arching and dropping his back down hard as white ribbons released and hit the older man's stomach, the pace of his hand staying constant. He could feel the other twitch inside him as Hoseok tightened impossibly around him before his vision blurred completely and his body became limp.  
\--  
Simon could feel the changing grasp that broke his skin, digging his hands in to match across the younger's body. He hoped that the bruise on Hoseok's jaw would darken with how he held the male, and knew he'd have fingerprints and maybe even whole handprints bruised into his hips for at least the next few days. The elder could only imagine how his ass would feel when they were done. All of it was a small payback for the half moons dug into his thighs and forearms now by the younger. 

The passion of it all was quite nice, leaving Simon as a panting mess when the younger's body tightened and spasmed around his thick organ, pride keeping him from letting go until the very last drop had flowed from the other, dripping between their bodies and finally offering the lubrication that they had missed initially. As his final 'fuck you' to the other though, Simon slammed their hips together, grinding them for a moment as his own peak washed over him in waves, leaving everything buried inside of Hoseok's quickly fading form. 

Making sure he was satiated before all else, Simon pulled away, leaving the other's bruised, battered, and filled body sitting on the counter as he took a step back and collapsed into a chair with a sigh. His better senses were coming back to him now that he was simply too tired to care about the other, almost - almost - making him get up and check if he was even still alive. But the teacher could hear his breathing, shallow yet present, with his well trained ears, so he knew he needn't worry much. Instead, he looked down at his body, surveying the small marks that the other had left and shaking his head. They would need to have a serious talk once Hoseok came around.


	4. Exposed

His consciousness must have faded for a few seconds. He lay, confusion washing over him as he slowly began to remember where he was and what was happening. The amount of pain may have been the cause as this had never happened to him prior to this encounter. Regardless, he was pleased. It was short of perfection and he certainly would do this again if the teacher allowed it. A small chuckle escaped his throat, hoarse and faint. He was definitely in bad shape. 

Hoseok attempted to move, his entire body sore. His neck cracked as soon as he moved it, feeling as if he were in a fight with 10 men rather than sex for 15 minutes or so. The amusement fell apart however as soon as Hoseok swayed to his feet. He could feel a thick liquid slide down his inner thighs as he shivered and froze, "Are you fucking kidding me?!" he attempted to yell at the entertained man sitting on a chair across from him- his voice was far gone. This fucker must have let loose inside him once his consciousness had slipped. Hoseok frowned then sighed. He was too tired for this anyway. He pulled out his middle finger to show the older man his gratitude for the gift he'd received as he wobbled towards the sink counter to grab at the tissues and clean himself. 

He looked back over his shoulders to the man staring back at him and smirk, "Enjoying yourself, you little shit?"  
\--  
Looking up at the surprised sounds coming from Hoseok's mouth, Simon gave his most pleased smile yet. Amazing. That was all he needed to hear, he thought, as he grinned to the middle finger pointing over at him. He stood up and stretched his back, looking down over his body and the dishevelled state of the other, deciding that he would like a shower and a nap now that his work here was done. 

Giving the other one final glance as he cleaned himself up, Simon nodded, the smug words falling from his lips like bitter honey. "No more than you enjoyed it." A light scoff bubbled from his chest as he turned, leaving the kitchen that now reeked of sex to the other to clean up, going to clean himself up in the bathroom. He ran a hot shower, thoroughly steaming the small ensuite bath, and jumped under the spray to rid himself of whatever sweat and bodily fluid graced his build, surreptitiously washing his stomach that had been covered in semen. 

Feeling much better now that he was clean, the tall blond went into the bedroom to grab his bag, looking for a pair of boxers and maybe some flannels, not really feeling the need to stay dressed any longer. They's already had sex; what more could happen? He doubted the other would be shocked by his lack of clothing, his tattoo, or anything else about him now, so once more, zero fucks were given as Simon turned on the TV in the small bedroom, flipping through channels until he found some sort of documentary that caught his attention.  
\--  
Hoseok had to admit the older man was right- he did enjoy himself. It was possibly one of the best sexual encounters he had experienced, and the most painful. He didn't even know he liked it rough. It was rare that he was the recipient so his knowledge was quite limited as to what was good to him and what wasn't. It had always been boring to him as most one night stands don't care much about how the other feels, so he made sure he would be the one to always take control. Having been taken as he was however... he was quite speechless to say the least.

Watching the man leave without announcement, Hoseok sighed and finally allowed his guard down. "Fuck.." he dropped to the cold floor and allowed his head to rest on the ceramic. The pain was something he did not think would appear so strongly, his lower half throbbing uncomfortably. He was taken bare only once before, but the man had gone easy on him, prepping him and using his spit. This asshole however had decided to rip his anus apart. Hoseok attempted to control his breathing so the other wouldn't hear and to hold his tears back. 'Fuck it hurts...'

Only moments of soft whimpering passed before he huffed and stood, heading towards a room with a shower. He would allow his silent weeping to continue there. His eyes met the older's for a moment as he walked past the bedroom and frowned. They would surely give them two rooms... right? His heart sank as he searched the apartment hopelessly. "No..." he whispered dramatically, rechecking the apartment hoping he missed something.

"Oh hell no!" He yelled, making sure it was loud enough for the other to hear as a warning. His steps were large and sounded through the entire apartment. "I am NOT sharing a bed with you!" he pointed accusingly at Simon the moment he came to view.  
\--  
Simon had already long since let the reality set in that he would be stuck with Hoseok for a while, but his melodramatics were already growing taxing. And he had just laid out to relax as well. Sighing, the blond looked through the open door and down the hallways in a very feeble attempt to see if the younger was coming. He wasn't yet, but the documentary did nothing to cover up the sounds of his roommate's steps. 

Looking once more, the blonde let the remote come to rest on his stomach, arms going slack as his eyes refocused on Hoseok. "It's not ideal, but where else do you plan on sleeping? The couch? Maybe the floor would suit you better...?" He showed no sign of caring, nor signs of anger, as the other male did. To Simon, they had already completed their contractual obligation, giving the producers a great show that they could edit however they wanted. The rest of this was all going to be downhill. 

"Shouldn't you be showering - I mean, I'm sure that load slipping out of your torn ass must not feel too great." Simon brushed off the comment about them sleeping together in favor of poking a bit more at the literal sore spot that Hoseok had for the time being, showing that he really could not care less about the situation or where the other found to sleep, since he was already quite comfortable on the bed, and despite it being big enough for two, he did not feel like sharing.  
\--  
Hoseok stared at the older man in disbelief. How could he be so heartless? Hoseok was barely able to walk and this asshole could only sit on his ass and make sarcastic remarks. He wasn't the type to anger easily, but this was too much. Hoseok needed rest, especially since he would have to go to work tomorrow as he wasn't granted a paid vacation for this show. However, him getting upset would only cause the other to win. Instead, he sighed, grabbed a closed tissue box to his right that was placed for them on one of the cabinets and threw it at the older male with some force.

"Asshole."

A grunt escaped his throat as the pain flooded through his body again, his eyes squinting. He sighed once more, grabbing a towel and entering the bathroom to shower, not bothering to close the door. The pain was still present and having to clean out his ass properly with all the cuts decorating it, it may have increased. Though that was evident, and every single spot on his body stung, there was a sort of relief that came with the hot water pouring over his battered body. Hoseok closed his eyes and enjoyed the sound and feel of the droplets. Now, his brain was working, imagining the situation of his injured body sleeping on the couch or ground. His head tilted back, releasing a frustrated sound as he silently cursed the older man. His hand automatically found his still dislocated shoulder that had been frozen in place for longer than 30 minutes, and he needed to have that put back into place immediately- going to a hospital was out of the question at this hour. He needed sleep.

Finally fed up, Hoseok stepped out and grabbed the towel, dabbing his body slightly not caring enough to cover himself as he placed it on his head as a means for his hair to self dry. His hand studied the mirror in front of him to see if it was a duel medicine cabinet or not, which it was as he pulled the mirror and exhaled in relief for the pain killers and first aid kit that were found. The pill was swallowed quickly without water with a small bit of hope that went down with it that it would be effective enough to not cause another wave of unconsciousness for what he was about to force the other to do.

His feet padded on the wooden flooring in the bedroom that he was forced to share with this violent, self-loving teacher. In hand, Hoseok had the first aid kit, which he threw at the older man's stomach without warning, enjoying the flinch and scowl he received. “Help me out will you?” he pointed at his shoulder.

Hoseok, regardless of his pleasant personality for the most part, was often a victim of violence. It may have been his work place, or possibly his outer form, but it always led him to being ridiculously hurt, and his stubbornness prevented him from ever going to get checked up as he learned to do things on his own. It wasn't the first time that his shoulder was out of place, and with a bit of help he was able to pop it back in. The pain that came with it however... that was something he was not looking forward to.  
\--  
Somewhere beneath it all, behind those glasses, the blond did share some worry, some concern for Hoseok. There was still that part of the feisty young man that had called him daddy, that showed he wanted to be taken care of; He just didn't know how to breach that subject, make it a reality. So, cold and mistrusting it was. Hoseok didn't seem too affected by it anyways, in all reality, as hateful as he could be, so Simon took no notice. 

Regardless of how he had been treating him, Simon thought about the bed situation while the shower ran, and various little sounds were heard from the younger since he left the door open. Shaking his head, a muffled sound of distaste came from Simon. He'd have to share; as much as he didn't want to, it was the only civil thing to do. Besides, just as he had thought earlier, it wouldn't matter if the other saw him this way - It also would not matter if they felt each other's bodies or shared a little warmth. Again, this was hardly the worst thing they had done together. 

Grunting slightly as the first aid kit was thrown his way, bouncing off his abs, Simon ripped his eyes from the documentary on the TV, to look down at the little box and then back up at the other, wondering what this was supposed to do to help the dislocated limb. Nothing in here would help, with that, but the teacher just sighed and sat up, ready to put it right. "You're just having me do this so you can have another reason to hate me." Simon said, letting his voice come out bitter, hoping to be distracting as he touched the younger's arm. "Just remember, you did this to yourself - I don't need anybody trying to say that I'm violent or cruel based on your word." Simon concluded as he twisted and pulled roughly, setting the joint back in spot with a sickening crunching sound, immediately letting his hands drop to the first aid kit. 

He pulled the little box to his eye level and began to read what was actually in there, finding nothing really to help a whole lot besides some muscle cream, which he took out and spread generously over his hands, in turn warming up the cream before he spread it across the shoulder and Hoseok's lower back, only imagining that he might get slapped for touching him any more than necessary, but trying to own up to his part in making these bruises and sore muscles. 

"There. Put on a shirt and come lay down. The muscle cream will work better if you have a layer over it to keep you warm, and you need sleep." Simon's tone was less authoritative this time, somehow, and almost paternal, just to try and ease the younger into sharing the bed. He scooted over so that he would not be occupying the middle exclusively, and patted the bed opposite him. "We probably won't even touch all night, the bed is so big."  
\--  
Hoseok's pain was not as bad as he had previously assumed. His shoulder must have not been fully out of place, but only slightly as the crunching sound caused but a small twitch and a low grunt. He took a deep breath in, thanking whatever angel invented pain killers as he touched his now in place shoulder. His eyes widened at the latter however. 

He had to admit, though unnecessary and out of place, the older's actions were admirable. It seemed that in a short time he had developed a soft spot for him and he could not understand why. Was it guilt? Was this man possibly bipolar? He was only gone for a few minutes... 

He watched him apply the cream carefully, his eyes never leaving the man's face as though blinking away would cause this dream to end. He couldn't help the chuckle that escaped while listening to him speak of the absurd idea of sharing a bed. 

"This wasn't for me idiot." Hoseok grabbed the first aid kit away from the man and took out the alcohol and cotton. His shoulder stung from the sudden movement, realizing he needed to take it easy for a few hours otherwise it would pop out again. He raised an eyebrow at the man watching him then grabbed his arm and began cleaning out the crescent wounds he'd inflected on him. "It would be inconvenient for this to get infected, the wounds are deep and I work at a bar. Too many germs and shit" He explained not wanting to look at the man anymore, hating himself for being so damn soft towards this asshole as he moved on to his thighs and tended them as well. 

"There is some pain medication in the cabinet if you need it" He pointed behind him while stuffing the cotton and alcohol back into the first aid kit. 

Hoseok stood up and wrapped the towel around his lower half, "don't know about you but I have work tomorrow. In case of emergency I'll be leaving my phone number on the little coffee table in the living room where I will be sleeping" He emphasized the last few words, making sure the teacher understood his point before placing the first aid kit on the nightstand and exiting the room.  
\--  
Simon sighed as he pulled his hands back from the other's skin, shaking his head lightly. This was why he didn't show kindness, he supposed. It always had a funny little habit of being thrown back in his face. Hoseok was no different, even though he saw the act as a sort of pittance to the other, he could not care less about Simon trying to make up for his actions. 

Watching with a lifted brow, the elder brushed away the stinging words and tone, rolling his eyes after Hoseok began to clean his wounds. He said nothing, showing no signs of pain nor any reaction at all, really; he didn't want to give him the satisfaction of saying something wrong - or worse, right - and show his softer side again. He just nodded as the other left, before flopping back onto the bed. So much for his little vacation. 

He stayed in bed for another few minutes, letting the documentary run down to the credits, and another show start up right after it, before he moved. He didn't necessarily feel any pain, but he did have a headache, so he got up and padded to the bathroom, taking a few pills, cupping his hand under the tap and taking a swig of water to help them down before he went out to the living room. "Go sleep in the bed, even if you won't share - I can't let you sleep out here, hurting as you must be." He said in a weary voice, walking past Hoseok to go into the kitchen once more, looking for something harder to drink.  
\--  
The moment Hoseok had reached the couch he had collapsed face-first so hard his jaw must have moved out of place. He groaned as his entire body tensed then relaxed, the combined pain and relief overwhelming as he could not move for a few minutes. It wasn't like he hadn't enjoyed the rough sex, he would be lying of course. It was the fact that he was never the recipient of such acts, but he had to admit it was damn good as he chuckled at the thought of how ridiculous and childish he'd been. Hoseok sighed and rotated his body, biting his lip at the pain in his shoulder and hips as he lay on his back, exhaling the breath he kept in. He lazily reached for his duffel bag and took out boxers and a t-shirt, slipping them on.

His eyes shot open at the voice that was closer than he'd expected- he may have fallen asleep at one point, "Where are you going?" Hoseok ignored the awkward kindness facing him once again from the angry man as he shook his head and stood slowly, following after. His feet shuffled across the cold floor, yawning while massaging his sore shoulder. He studied the half naked man again, lining his shoulders and back with his eyes before shaking his head once they stopped at his ass admiringly. Hoseok watched as the older took out some alcohol from the fridge and sighed, slipping into one of the stool chairs at the table and placing his head on the cold marble reviling in the iced touch.

The young man's mind was beginning to function again as he recalled calling the supposedly older man 'hyung' before ejaculating over his abdomen, sudden regret and embarrassment washing over him. What the hell was that about? His ears turned a dark shade of red as unfamiliar feelings dropped heavily on his chest. He cleared his throat, lifting his head from the table and looking at the man staring back at him, "Hey...uh, Simon...hyung... right? How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?" This sudden formality tasted peculiar and somewhat bitter on his tongue, considering how they started out.  
\--  
The groggy words of the younger gave Simon a bit of a start as he grabbed the bottle of beer from the fridge, gripping the neck as hard as he could as to not drop it. He hadn't expected an answer, honestly, just another smug look and a middle finger pointing back at him if he had even cared to look. The younger just seemed to be full of surprises. Shame Simon was not. He had shown about as many facets of his personality as he cared to and simply wanted something cold to lull him to sleep. 

Looking over the younger at the soft words that came from his mouth, the teacher found a smirk growing across his lean face. He was just like a student, trying to feel things out with him now that they had their pissing match and he didn't like the result. Hearing Hoseok calling him "Hyung," though... That was just plain cute. Taking a long draw from the icy glass bottle, Simon shook his head a little as he swallowed. "Why are you calling me that now? Or asking personal questions? I thought we figured this out: You hate me, I don't really give a shit about you..." He paused at this point, realizing he was just perpetuating the cycle that they had started, and he was actually quite sick of it. It wasn't worth the headache. 

Taking another swig from the bottle, Simon made the pause seem purposeful, rather than explaining his sudden realization, before continuing. "Anyways, fuck it. I'm twenty-nine, soon to be thirty. Probably far older than you imagined. Go ahead, let the old man jokes fly." He said with a knowing, slightly annoyed tone as he finished the bottle with another large gulp, setting it down on the counter he now leaned against - The very same one that had been the centerpiece of their little tryst, crossing his arms over his chest as his dark eyes stayed firmly on Hoseok's, already anticipating the slew of smartass remarks he would have to endure.  
\--  
The man had spoken words of hate which Hoseok winced at it. In the moment of silence the other offered, Hoseok thought he wasn't going to answer him, all so considering his harsh words and the clear barrier he set between them. He was moments from defending himself before the man began again.

Hoseok blinked at the older male, his eyes slowly widening with every second of continued silence after his shocking words. He opened his mouth to speak- once, twice... nothing came out. He looked down at the table, possibly feeling the heaviest weight of the world on his shoulders, not knowing exactly what to do. Hoseok was brought up better than this, he was never rude, and always respectful. It was rare that the moment of his ugly self- his easily angered other-self- would come and greet anyone. It was so rare that he was shocked at himself for allowing him to go loose in front of this stranger. His eyes began to glass over as he forgot to blink and looked back up at the silent man, sipping collectively at his beer like he hadn't just dropped a bomb.

He was 8 years older than him... He couldn't possibly take back everything he'd done and said. He would have assumed possibly 2-3 years maximum, but 8... Hoseok sighed, dropping his head shamefully. “Fuck...”

Standing up, Hoseok moved closer to the man on the other side of the table and bowed 90 degrees showing respect to the elder, which frankly was more ridiculous than his previous actions and far too late. “Sorry hyung... I didn't know...” he peeked up at the man before straightening his back. The atmosphere turned awkward within seconds, as he stiffly walked back to his seat, feeling himself shrink as he fidgeted. Not only was he almost a decade older than Hoseok, but he also thought he hated him. Hoseok wanted to clear things up, regardless of the fact that the teacher had already stated he didn't care, alongside Hoseok's violence and disrespect.

“Um...” he finally met eyes with the man again, his strong personality coming back gradually with every word he spoke as he did not like being accused of something he could not possibly do- hate. “I don't hate you hyung... you know.” he massaged his shoulder again, sighing at the pain that was coming back in waves, making sure to remember to take another pill or four when this conversation was over. “I don't hate people. It's just-” he dropped his gaze, his voice coming out smaller than intended, “What we did...” he cleared his throat deliberately to ease the uncomfortableness. “I guess it brought out the other side of me from the heat of the moment.”

Just when he thought he could control himself fully, an unplanned toothy smile crossed his face, his eyes turning to dark crescents as he tapped his shoulder, “I'm also a bit mean when I'm in pain”  
\--  
Simon could hardly believe that the other had nothing to say to him, and in fact, looked almost ashamed of his antics. This was quite the surprise, given that the face he had seen up until this point shared none of the same characteristics of the person Hoseok was being now. Not that he minded, it was something he was used to - This more demure, quiet, reserved sort of person - these were the sort of kids he was used to teaching at the college where he worked. This would be a cake walk if the younger had shown this side first. 

The bowing, however, was looked upon with quiet curiosity, a single lifted brow showing that he was not sure how to take the action or apology. So now it came to light: The fact was simply that Hoseok was sorry for disrespecting an elder. Great. That was almost worse than an old man joke, making Simon feel 90 rather than the 30 that he was. It lead to him imagining a 90 year old having sex like that, and he stifled a laugh. If his body was as aged as the other made him feel in that instant, he might have thrown out a hip while they were doing the deed, then it would have been a whole different story. 

The hidden laugh made a small smile wash over his features as Simon set the bottle upon the counter and just watched, waiting for something more to be said. The tension was palatable, but not overwhelming, so he made his move to leave the younger be; Not that he got far. 

Simon was barely even standing from his leaned posture as Hoseok spoke to him, making what seemed like an offhanded excuse for the way he had acted, to which Simon shook his head. "I doubt it was the pain, or 'what we did', honestly. You came in like a firecracker with a short fuse and that didn't change until now, even before you decided you wanted 'what we did' to happen." He knew that this was an attempt to make amends, but found the effort lacking. Maybe it was just because he was a kid - Simon knew that he must be just about 20 now, based on the level of formality he was being shown. 

The cheesy grin made the teacher's grow a bit more as he tried to understand, knowing that it would not be worth the headache to keep things going. "Although, I do understand, pain makes everyone behave differently. That much I will give you. By the way - You shouldn't try that again, you might actually hurt yourself, you know." He nodded, not sure what more there was to be said between them, looking down at his crossed arms that still bore tiny little marks that matched Hoseok's deeply smiling eyes.  
\--  
Hoseok laughed nervously at the teacher's words and nodded in agreement. “I'm not usually like this. To be honest, we had a bit of a mishap at the nightclub and I was forced to get involved.” he pointed at his bruised jaw. “I know what I look like-” he looked away, his thoughts creating multiple hurricanes as he contemplated. What was he doing? Was he actually talking to this man about his life after all that had been done? Why was he trusting him? 'What's wrong with me...?'

A tingling feeling of familiarity guided his fingertips across his tattooed arm, tracing the inked design. “I'm the exact opposite of what I look like” he flashed a melancholic smile towards Simon, their eyes only meeting for a moment. “Something snaps in me sometimes though, and as much as I want to overcome things and smile and get the fuck over it... doesn't work, and violence tends to take place.”

Electricity shot through his mind and nerves as his head followed orders and titled up, his eyes set on something he knew would never be his, a sort of forbidden fruit, but he enjoyed the thought otherwise. His confident self reappeared, greeting the teacher with a smirk, “But you know” his smirk widened, not daring to hide his attraction, “That side of me. The one you happened to encounter, the wild one that went so far as to hurt for sex. That's me. A hundred percent”

The young man couldn't comprehend why he felt the need to explain himself to the man who quite possibly wasn't even listening, but he had to admit... it felt good. He had left all his friends behind, back in his hometown and his family was no longer there for him. He had met a few people who were kinder in his mind than in reality- he knew, still believe, still hoped- however, none were trustworthy enough to confide in. Hoseok's smile told so much more than he voiced out as he chuckled to himself, dropping his head on the marble again, his ears desperate to listen to the teacher's voice again.

This was nice.  
\--  
Simon looked up after a moment, flexing his forearms as though to remind himself that those little cuts would soon be gone, his dark brown eyes coming to rest on the younger again. The moment did not last long, however, finding this fleeting show of oneself quickly becoming too involved for his liking. Turning his head to the side, the teacher cleared his throat before adjusting his glasses. 

Looks. Did the other really base everything on looks? If that was the case then Simon didn't know if he was close to his looks or opposite them, considering half the time he was mad and the other half, completely uncaring. His gaze sat on those long, willowy fingers as they grazed inked flesh, humming a bit as he took in the delicate line work and subtle intricacies that were woven together on skin, one of his hands unfurling from the other and lifting to brush the pads of his fingers over his chest, touching the large piece that lay there. He wondered if Hoseok had the same scars, the raised edges and the shallows of color. Something he might take the time to feel when they got close to one another. Wait - no, not when... If, Simon corrected himself in his thought process. 

Humming again, Simon looked up from Hoseok's arm to see the bright flash of white from his teeth before his eyes and ears connected the words with the knowing smirk to the sexual reference. Ah, he thought, assuming this was why the younger was being so sweet. Assuming it was all for the sake of sex. Funny, how objectified his own thoughts made him feel without knowing if they were even correct or not. Shaking his head, Simon flashed a smile of his own. "Well, then. I'm sure you'll get very lucky throughout your stay on the show." It was not a flat out rejection, as he could see himself doing Hoseok once, maybe even twice more, the truth of the matter was, the teacher was not the fuck and run type. 

He always knew that it stemmed from being alone. Alone with his music. Alone with his instructors. Alone with his homework - but when he was introduced to sex and sexuality, there was some level of cling to it. He was the kind that wanted more than just that. It should be like music, as far as he was concerned, done with passion, anger, love; good emotions were the key to good sex. However, that meant finding and keeping a person that could incite those feelings over and over again. It was no easy task. 

Slipping away from the backwards compliment, Simon fixed his glasses once more before looking over at the wall mounted clock. It was late - or early, he couldn't be sure - and his body ached for rest. "Go sleep in the bed. I'll set up camp out here, okay? You need more sleep than I do, I'm sure."  
\--

Listening to his voice was soothing in it's own way, nevermind the words. His head was spinning and his mind could not rest, flooding in images of the teacher bare and over him. He had noticed more than he thought he would during their alien intimacy filled with rushed hands and scowling looks. His mind rescanned through the memories as his eyes had landed multiple times on the older man's impressive chest, not only for it's structure but for the art that embroidered through it.

Hoseok chuckled at the man's words, both of the subtle rejection and of the forward kindness towards him. He straightened his back, stretching his arms, allowing a yawn to pass through without being hidden with hands or a tightened jaw. "You're right, I do, but I can't accept." his smile widened as his eyes lowered from Simon's face and studied his chest. He was curious as to the story behind it. It seemed so much like a gang mark than a simple interest in inking. He laughed at his thoughts, his eyes meeting Simon's again, tilting his head purposefully.

"Hyung.” Hoseok began, his voice softer than before as he attempted to win him over slowly. “You said before you liked art, right?" he nodded towards the older's chest, "Is that what you meant?"

Hoseok knew what he was doing, and knew this may annoy the tired teacher, but he wanted to stall longer. His fear of not seeing the man again once he was awake was evident. Even if he couldn't control it, he wanted to at least talk to him as much as he could before the inevitable happened.  
\--  
Still pondering the idea of time, seeing as it was late for him, but probably a customary time for the other to be awake, Simon let his head turn to acknowledge the other's words, his little yawn; subtly sweet actions that he found somewhat endearing, for a person such as Hoseok himself had proven he could be. A little smile turned the corner of his lips on one side before he shrugged. "Your choice. You're clearly not a child, so I can't tell you what to do." He offered, his words coming out light and teasing to match the almost-grin he wore. 

The hand that had been studying his own ink came up to brush through his thick blond hair, feigned interest fading and quickly being replaced by a sort of soft complacency in the other's presence. As though his subconscious said that this was false, but since he knew it was, it was okay to stay and enjoy it for the time being. Such a paradox, human emotions, he found himself thinking for the time being, though his internal dialogue was not so much that he ignored the other. 

"Hm, I suppose. Art has so many forms, I felt as though my life would be incomplete without trying multiple embodiments of it. It's not enough to be talented with words or music or ink and paper, but the human body as a canvas... It's quite stunning in it's own right. A living, breathing body that gives your art a chance to transcend that very place it might have fallen flat if it was just to stay as a sketch or an ink drawing... But now I'm getting quite sentimental over nothing." He smiled as he caught himself rambling, lowering his head sheepishly and letting out a small laugh, his hand repeating the action from before, but in reverse this time as he rubbed the nape of his neck and the brought the long digits forward through his hair. 

"You must have some affinity for it as well, however, seeing as you have a fair bit more than I do when it comes to tattoos. How did a sweet boy like you end up covered from one side to the other?" Simon opened the fridge and reached for another beer, pausing this time and looking to Hoseok, as though offering something to drink. It was becoming clearer that this would not end so quickly, and since he was closest to the fridge, he felt a duty to be a good host.  
\--  
Hoseok listened carefully, almost tempted to close his eyes and enjoy the older man's voice as it preached about forms of art and it's beauty. He couldn't help the smile that appeared so often once the man had caught his tongue and laughed. His laugh was subtle and small, almost like a huff but he enjoyed nevertheless, finding himself watching every part of the other man. How his lips stretched slightly, obviously holding back and his eyes closing slightly. His glasses moving down a bit as his face reformed and his face showed some color. He was glad he could see Simon this way. His first impression of him wasn't that great in all honestly- minus the sex of course, dear god. 

His own laughter came through this time loud and real, he wasn't going to hold back anymore, "Sweet boy? Hyung, stop flirting!" he rolled his eyes, purposefully speaking comfortably with the older man, testing his reactions. He shook his head once he understood the other's gesture and smiled brightly, "Believe it or not, I actually don't drink alcohol." That should come as a big shock to the teacher for sure.

As soon as the memories of his past cleared the way for the rest of his mind however, his smile faded and he looked down at the other's hands, studying them to distract himself. "Well, it's a bit of a long story..." he began without knowing exactly where to start and how much he wanted to say. It was easy talking about his shit personality, even though it was something he had never done before. Speaking about his parents and his terrible first months in Seoul was something he could not really bring himself to share. His face contorted into an unreadable expression. filled with too many emotions, as his chest ached.  
\--  
Hoping his reactions were less than noticeable, Simon just shook his head as the other laughed aloud, knowing he could not have his way even if he was a good actor. Taking a bottle of water out for the younger, Simon grabbed his beer and kicked the fridge shut. Obviously his hopes for an easy night were to be dashed by the younger, as he kept leading into more conversation. 

He walked to the small table, setting down the bottle of water first and sliding it to Hoseok, taking his beer in both hands and twisting off the top before he sat down. "Ah, really? I think we're way past flirting. You just seem sweet - Now that you're not in pain and all." He chuckled softly, lifting the bottle to his lips before pausing and actually taking the time to look at the other. 

Something about this all didn't seem right, the deep, swirling storm hiding in Hoseok's eyes telling so much more than he could have put into words. Lowering the bottle before he even took a drink, the teacher shook his head and closed his eyes. "You don't have to explain if you don't want to..." he started before looking up at Hoseok once more, the tempestuous storm still hiding so much. "I understand difficult circumstances and all. Not like we're that close." Simon made his attempt at giving the other some comfort, and a way out all at once, but wasn't sure how he would fare with such a notion. 

Still, the teacher took a long draw from the bottle, licking his lips as he swallowed and tried not to look at Hoseok, trying to keep the pressure off of him to tell such a story that caused him so much grief.  
\--  
Reality pushed through at the other's words and Hoseok's pain spread throughout his entire body, having nothing to do with their previous acts. He buried his face in his hands again, his eyes stinging, suffocating himself slowly. He wouldn't cry. He won't tell a soul. His past was his alone and sharing was pointless. What was it that had driven him to speak to the older man so much and almost slip out about his life? He knew nothing about the other, and there wasn't a need to. He was alone. Always was, and he thought it was best to stay this way. It was comfortable. It was safe. 

A smirk stretched as his head tilted back to glare at the other unintentionally, his eyes clearly red from forcing his tears back, "I think it's getting late hyung" his words came out harsher than intended as he pushed back the offered water and stood, his hand automatically finding his injured shoulder, "I think it's best that we don't bring up each other's lives anymore" he knew that part of it was his own fault, but he hoped the other would understand anyway, regardless of how rude he was being as he spoke to the older man with his back turned. "I'll be on the couch, but you may not see me in the morning. If you need anything, like I said, I'll keep my phone number on one of the tables. Goodnight." 

His steps were large and quickly crossed to the living room, finding the biggest couch to lay on. There were no pillows and no blanket, but then again he was fucking used to this in the first place wasn't he. A sorrowful smile played on his face as he covered his eyes with his arm and sighed. Tomorrow he'll forget. Tomorrow will be better. It had to be. 

'Forget.'  
\--  
Simon was still purposely looking away when the younger buried his face in his hands, so he pretended not to notice, although it was hard not to. It made him concerned for the younger, wondering what could have been so bad that Hoseok had such an uprising of emotions. He would be pondering on this for many more days, he was sure. Sighing before he took another long drink from the bottle, Simon did not turn his head back until he saw Hoseok move. 

Watching as the younger lifted his body, the remnants of tears clinging to his lower lashes, Simon almost choked on his beer as he noted the smile that did not fit into Hoseok's face at this moment. Nodding softly as he continued to watch the other get up and go back to the couch, the elder kept his eyes fixed on the bartender until he was seemingly asleep, finishing his second bottle and fighting every urge to reach for a third. This was one hell of a first night on the show.

Going back to the bedroom and the still-playing television now screening some cheesy old horror movie, Simon felt a bit of guilt running over him knowing how Hoseok was sleeping, and he could not help his next actions. He knew that he would be gutted in his sleep if the younger was to wake up in the bed, even if he wasn't there, so instead, he took the makings of a bed over to him. Simon took the large comforter and a pillow out to him, wrapping the blanket about the boy's body and setting the pillow within arm's reach. 

He felt a little better now, but tomorrow would still be a new day to tackle, and with no work to keep him occupied, he had no clue what he would do.


	5. His Past

Morning came and all the pain in the world arrived with it. The man's bones and muscles ached to the point of paralysis as he stared at the ceiling and groaned. It was a plan he made, a promise after he managed to get his life together, that he would practice his dancing every morning until every muscle in his body ached and then go to work. That was his routine for 2 years and he seemed to be doing pretty well. That morning however... he was already aching without the hours of practice. He sighed, sitting up and attempting to stretch his arms- his shoulder still tender. Hoseok's arm paused in mid-air as he raised it for another round of stretching. He eyed the blanket still on the lower half of his body and frowned. When did he even put that on himself? He remembered being cold sometime after he fell asleep, tears managing to escape with the loss of control, but he couldn't recall finding an extra blanket to cover himself. 

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, contemplating his sanity, shifting his body to stand and stretch out the rest of him. His body stilled, arms dropping to his lap as he gaped at the motionless body only inches from him. The older man's head was resting on the coffee table next to the couch he slept on, only a small pillow to keep it from the hard surface. His body was curled up, possibly keeping himself warm if not a sleeping habit. Hoseok could do nothing but stare, thoughtlessly, for a few minutes. What was going on? Had this man slept here all night? Was he crazy? The young man grasped the blanket he pushed away seconds ago and frowned. "Why?" 

Anger rushed through his body and circulated in his chest, burning and growing. He didn't know why he was angry. It came and went just as fast, replaced by guilt and so many emotions he could not recall. Hoseok tugged the blanket and cautiously covered the teacher with it, sitting cross legged in front of the sleeping form. His hands reached for the other's face, taking off his glasses and placing them on the table next to his head. Suddenly the pain departed from the rest of his body, only the heaviness in his chest remaining as he glared at the sleeping man in front of him. What was this feeling? What was happening...? What the hell was he doing?

Not knowing how early he had woken up, he was eventually reminded by the rising sun, a beam of it's rays disturbing his vision. Hoseok squinted, his hand automatically shielding his eyes and looking up at the source of disturbance. The reflection was due to the ray hitting the metal rim around the camera lens that was placed in the corner of the living room. The young man shrugged, smiling at the fact that he hadn't noticed there were-

Hoseok stood quickly, his eyes widening as he looked up again at the camera lens staring back at him with all it's glory. "Shit..." How could he forget such an important detail?! There were cameras all over the apartment. People were watching this. They had seen him naked, fucked- in every sense of the word, talking about himself and running away like a child. They had seen him at his weakest, and seen his reaction to Simon's state. His head turned, eyes landing on the still body beneath him as his expression softened. He didn't know this man could look like this. Hoseok titled his head, finding it harder to think whenever his eyes were on the older man, sighing and running a hand through his colored strands. He signed up for this, knowing exactly what 'this' was. He knew what he had to go through the moment he stepped into the apartment and met Simon, so why was he reacting strongly to it now...? Hoseok was quickly reminded of the upfront payment and the rest of the numbers that were offered, a smile growing on his stupid face. He shook his head, mentally slapping himself as he pouted and looked at the man again. What was he going to do...?

He needed to escape, even if he couldn't dance much, going to the studio would clear his mind. It only took him moments to prepare himself and the things he needed for the day, grabbing his bag and throwing it over his uninjured shoulder. Hoseok quietly ripped a peace of paper from the note book of lyrics he kept on him at all times and wrote down his number, placing it under the other's glasses. He took a final glance at the older man, a small smile playing on his face before heading out the door, and cursing at the unknown future.  
\--  
Simon stayed out there with the younger, just watching - as he seemed to find himself doing to the point of creepiness - as he slept, wanting to reach out, comfort him from the few tears that seemed to have graced his cheeks at some point before he made it out there. It was no use, though, since he had already seen the beast that this boy could become, and had sensed the conflict that created such a monster. No, he would just sit and observe, and maybe, like a flower, Hoseok would slowly unfurl himself to the elder. 

It was not long before his eyelids fell heavily, the elder forgetting the comfort of the bed, the television he had left on - The effects he had been seeking from the alcohol were sneaking up on him. Convinced he could stay up and think about all this, think about the young man and try to figure him out, for just a bit longer, it was mere minutes before Simon lay sleeping with his head on the coffee table. Light snores punctuated his slumber here and there, the cool temperature of the apartment making his sleep deep, but restless as he curled into himself for what little warmth he could find. 

Waking to the sound of a door shutting, Simon jolted alive. For the first moment or two, he suffered from mostly confusion - Why didn't he have his glasses, where the hell was he, why was he sleeping on a fucking coffee table - But soon it cleared itself up for him. Finding the outline of his glasses through the blur that was his world, Simon rubbed his eyes before putting them on, sliding them into place against his ears and nose and looking at the scrap of paper that had accompanied them: A phone number, as promised. The unique scrawl was something that gave the elder a little smile, thinking that Hoseok really should work on his penmanship, from a teacher's point of view, he would hate this. But it just added to the creative individual he was coming to realize that the younger was. 

He wondered where he had gotten off to, but figured it would be work or something of the like, the one thing he found himself without. Remembering that fact, Simon let out a light groan. Now his thoughts would be consumed with Hoseok all day - No, that was something he had to fight. Getting up and taking the blanket back to the bedroom, Simon went to his bag and pulled out a pad of paper and his laptop, finding the urge to work until he had lost all sunlight hours driving him. He needed to do something to keep last night out of his head. 

Simon began a pot of water, needing tea first thing in the morning to come to life, and set up a little area for himself at the small dining table. The pad, redundant as it may have seemed, was lined to write music, not words, and the laptop would bring what he wrote to life, considering he had foregone all the instruments he loved to save them from possible damage on the trip - Plus, what sort of weirdo brought a concert cello to a reality show? He laughed at the thought as the kettle whistled and he got his tea, settling in to work as the morning flew away from him. 

The hours were spent amidst the sounds of pencil scratching, humming, and the computer's speakers whispering out clips of melodies that Simon wrote; his work never finished as he wrote, erased, edited, and revised. All this for a creative passion that drove him to the point of not eating, nor sleeping, nor paying attention to the waning of the afternoon light. Pausing only to use the bathroom and refill his cup or the kettle, Simon wasted the day in the same spot, resting on a composition fit for performance by the time the moon rose in the sky. He was proud of his work, and it was the catharsis he needed to avoid Hoseok and all thoughts of him. 

Now, what he needed was something to eat, a little liveliness. Deciding to wash up and go out for a bit, Simon left his laptop sitting out, the media sitting on replay as a testament to his hard work, and the rest of his effects spread over the table. He could clean it up later. Donning a pair of fitted jeans and a polo shirt, the teacher grabbed a cardigan and pulled his hair up and away from his face before stepping out, feeling refreshed and alive for the first time in quite some time. Maybe this vacation, even with the angsty boy that he found himself stuck on, was worth it. Checking his watch, Simon mused to himself. 8,608 minutes left in their time together. It made the past 1,472 seem like an eternity, so he only wondered what else he could come to know in their remaining time.  
\--

Practice was out of the question, and Hoseok knew so before he even made up his mind to leave the somewhat comfortable couch and take a bus to the studio. He knew that even if he couldn't dance, maybe he would try and work on his lyrics writing which he was lacking in tremendously, finding mistakes and awkwardness every time he looked through his notes. This was also a damn impossibility, his hands stilling as he rolled around the cold floor of the studio, mind hopelessly stuck on the image of his sleeping hyung. Hoseok cursed himself a million times for his stupid vivid imagination and the fact that he couldn't get him out of his mind, not even for a moment. What the hell was he so stuck on? The man was almost 10 years older than him, and he knew nothing about him. Hoseok sighed and stretched out his legs as an excuse to place his head on the floor and think. He had never been in a relationship before, so his knowledge and experience were limited. His surroundings were also not the most kindest and welcoming. Hoseok shook his head, anger flushing his face red as his thoughts trailed somewhere he promised would never enter the studio. 'Calm down...'

He may have slept on the cooling, hard floor of the dance room for a few hours, but he would never admit. He may have missed the first half hour of his shift while running to the nightclub as if he were chased, but he would never admit. He may have been scolded at first, a warning his 'superior' would call it, then pushed, grabbed, punched, thrown... but he would never admit.

His superior enjoyed watching his faces of rage, pain and hate as he bit down the urge to scream at the shoulder that was once in place for a few hours. His superior was more than happy to kick it out of place again and surround the room in his laughter, his eyes set darkly on the younger man bleeding beneath his foot. This man saved Hoseok, something he would never dare to forget. He was someone he hated, but cherished all the same. Hoseok's fingers wrapped around the ankle of the larger man who had placed his boot to the inked man's face. "Forgive me hyung, it will never happen again" his voice was shaking with the pain and tears that flowed without an ounce of warning.

Hoseok may, or may not have escaped as a bleeding mess. He was dismissed- to him this was nothing short of a warning, and if his superior did not have a 'special' liking for him, he knew he would have been dead within minutes to the torture. He couldn't get on a bus, that would be asking to be called in to the station, which he could not afford considering his magnificent past. He had to walk, and as close to the shadows as he could without being dragged by a local gang of a sort. He knew those were rare, but he had to be careful... he had to see him again- that man who had pushed him beyond his body's limit to walk home and not lay on the concrete, hoping for the best, the moon his only witness.

Finding the apartment was easier than expected, somehow the memory imprinted to his mind as a possible means of protective mechanism. His hands worked faster than his mind could, unlocking, turning the handle, shutting the door. His first thought was to find the older man, helplessly needing to see him, reason leaving him long before he made it to the complex. He couldn't go farther than a few steps before his body collapsed, a gasp of air drawn as he groaned and whimpered in pain, his tears flowing again. It wasn't as bad as he had felt as he eyed his bruised and beaten body. There were no knife marks, no bullets. He could handle a few bruises, a dislocated shoulder and a bleeding face. Hoseok sighed, a crackling laugh escaping him as he wiped at his face with the back of his hand, dragging tears, sweat and blood. He wanted to move, clean himself up, and hide his new bruises so the other wouldn't see, but his body was so heavy and his will to move was not strong enough to push him. Instead, he allowed his body to rest on the wooden floor, mind finding the comfort of the man's face again as he closed his eyes.  
\--  
Staying out for about an hour or so, Simon found a nice local cafe to eat dinner and relax at, sitting outside in the last remnants of fading sunlight and the rising moon, grabbing an extra coffee on his way out the doors for the younger. Why? He couldn't say. But it sounded like a good idea. He was happy. Having such a time spent alone to work, having a great, filling meal that tasted homemade, having not thought about Hoseok once. Except for buying him the coffee. And wondering if he had eaten at all today. 

Okay, so maybe he hadn't really succeeded in pushing the other completely from his mind, but he had tried. And even with his minor failures, he still felt good. It was refreshing, to be able to think without the constant worry he felt when he looked at the younger. His thoughts came to the singular conclusion: Hoseok was simply a roommate for the time being, nothing more. He should not be trying to delve so deeply into the workings of the younger, nor his personal history. After all, they had known each other for little more than a day, why should he care so much? This was not how relationships progressed in the real world, and certainly not how they should on camera. 

Humming his newest little tune as he walked up to the apartment, Simon thought he noticed something odd, a sort of drip that reminded him of a child with an icecream cone, drizzling chocolate everywhere as they went, but he paid no attention, other than cautioning himself not to step in it with his expensive shoes. Then he'd drag it into the house, and he hated housework. But then it was there again, as he attempted to slide his key into the lock of their door, another smear gracing both the knob and the frame of the door, and he only wondered what sort of mess the other had made. Now, he was simmering with anger before he even knew the circumstance. 

Turning the key in the lock, the teacher went inside with his head down, inspecting for more drips of chocolate, pausing cold in his steps when he saw nothing more than the feet of the younger that he had been pushing from his mind as long as he had been out. The coffees that were held in his hands fell, crashing into puddles of milky ice on the hardwood as Simon's body froze, trying to figure out what to do. His mind was racing, thoughts going at light speed beneath the blond mop of hair. Should he call 911? Should he try to give CPR? Was Hoseok attacked, mugged, raped? He didn't know how to proceed, and that scared him more than anything. Finding his feet once more, the teacher took the few tentative steps to Hoseok's head, surveying his torn up face with a grimace as he spoke, his words sounding surprisingly firm for how frantic his mind was. 

"H-Hoseok? Answer me... C-Can you hear me right now? Are you okay? Should I call a paramedic?" They were rushed, yes, but mostly steady questions, and right now, even just a nod that he was conscious would help. It was then that Simon realized what he had thought was chocolate under the streetlamps was actually smears of the male's blood, and he felt sick to his stomach. Gore.... That he was okay with. But to know that he felt only disgust and disdain for the other when he was laying here like this for who knows how long - He now felt a painful disgust for himself. With shaking hands, he pulled the sleeve of his cardigan over his hand and attempted to dab away some of the blood around the other's eyebrow and nose, waiting for anything more than the shallow wheezing he could make out coming from his lips.  
\--  
Droplets. The hushed sound of rain soothed him. It was beautiful. Calm and inconsistent as it hit roofs and concrete, it's wet touches washing his stains away. He remembered that night so clearly. His hand gripping the knife with whatever energy he had left, his eyes fluttering as the rain hit his face, his body spread next to another on the wet concrete. The boy tilted his head to the side, a smile playing on his face as he watched the stream of rain dragging blood to one of the drains. His eyes moving up slightly, watching the still body next to him, a dark hole where his organs once were arranged properly, now leaking and following the droplets beneath the streets. 

Hoseok's consciousness had slipped without warning, but the pain seemed to have lessened with the moment of rest. Tears escaped, possibly from the memory of his past. Warmth overtook parts of his body as a sort of heaviness fell on him, his body being touched, muffled sounds that somehow he could recall as a voice he knew. He wasn't sure, maybe he was imagining, but he could feel his face reforming, his lips stretching. Was he smiling at the recognition? Was he relieved? Hoseok's eyes fluttered open, the heaviness and voice belonging to Simon as he had assumed, the poor man frantically wiping at Hoseok's face and bringing his ear closer to listen to his breath. He knew he should have endured longer and cleaned himself up, mainly out of pride to not show this man anymore weakness- but to see him shaking, that was something he did not expect, nor ever wanted to see. 

"Hyung..." his voice cracked, almost inaudible as he repeated, "hyung..." the smile widened once the older looked at him. Their eyes meeting, a flood of relief instantly washing over the other as his expression changed drastically. "I'm okay" he may have repeated the words a few times, he wasn't sure, his consciousness still not quite at it's strongest point, wanting desperately to close his eyes and rest, but feared for the other. He should have cleaned himself up. His lids fell heavily, using all his strength to keep his eyes on the frantic man above him, touching his face and wherever else was bleeding. Hoseok's eyes followed the man's hands, noticing that his sleeves were stained red and frowned. "You ruined your shirt" he uttered incoherently.

Moments passed by as Hoseok's strength flowed back into his body, his brain now functioning properly as he cursed silently. His eyes grew darker as he stared at the older man, still worried for him... still aimlessly moving about. What was he doing? What was he fucking thinking? Hoseok pushed the man off him slightly, and for an unknown reason, his hand found the other's and gripped it tightly. He wouldn't turn his head to look at the man, biting his lower lip as he pulled himself up into a sitting position and leaned on the coffee table which was closest to him. He didn't know what he would do, what he would say, how he was going to explain his state to the teacher who had walked in to this horror. Hoseok wiped at the blood crawling down his forehead, then touched his dislocated shoulder. He needed to clean himself up.  
\--  
Feeling his knees give way as he began to dab at the younger's face, Simon soon found himself sitting on the floor next to Hoseok, his body resembling that of a doll that had been kicked to the side: feet out, knees in, back curled up and hunched over the younger's bleeding visage. He may have even had a few stray tears in his eyes, never having seen horror like this outside of a television or film screen. He didn't even care as to what had happened right now, only focused on the other's half-mumbled words and how he was going to survive this. He looked like raw hamburger pounded into the pavement, and Simon didn't know what else to do, other than keep dabbing the blood away to see what was actually damaged.

Older and wiser, yes, he definitely was, but he had also been quite sheltered throughout his life. Private schools, private lessons, everything the best that his parents could afford on their upper-middle-class budget -- And they sacrificed a lot for Simon's talent, even going so far as to move around to different countries to get him the best opportunities. He was never the subject of bullies, nor torment, aside from the general poking sort of teasing that American kids make to their band-geared classmates. This was all quite jarring to him. Even in his years as a teacher, he had never witnessed such physical violence between... well, anybody.

Simon let out a strangled sound, somewhere between a relieved laugh and actually crying when Hoseok spoke, especially just to call to him, matching his eyes with a soft smile. That was definitely relief showing through. He let his hands come to rest alongside the other's head at his muttered protests about his cardigan, thankful for some way to hide how deeply this affected him, his fingers still trembling, and he wasn't even sure why; it may have been the act or it may have been because it was Hoseok."It's fine, but, Jesus... The fuck happened to you? You look like you got mauled by a dog..." He words were steady and slow this time, and Simon counted that as a major win. 

Lifting his hand again as the forehead wound started to bleed more, The teacher could not explain why he let the younger keep his hand, his head lowered a bit but eye fixated on Hoseok as he pulled himself up. "Y-Your shoulder... Shit... Do you want me to set it again?" He asked, squeezing the younger's warm, dirt-stained palm softly before he could pull away. There were so many more questions that threatened to fall from his lips, but Simon bit them back. The only question he really wanted to ask now was what he could do to help, now that the shock of seeing the younger laid out like a dead body was wearing off. 

The thought of cleaning came up as well, but Simon pushed that one away. He'd throw a towel over the coffee spill and call it a night. Actually... Thinking about it, he shed the bloodstained sweater and threw it over the pile of slowly melting ice and creamy coffee, since he would have to get rid of it anyways. It was a biohazard now. Looking down at his hands, he realized that the blood had seeped through the fabric and was on his hands. Fuck. "I'll go run you a bath..." He muttered, the shock after the adrenaline rush setting in fully, needing to wash up and help the younger, but feeling like he was moving in slow motion to do it. The more lead time he got on Hoseok, the better.  
\--  
There it was. Pain. This torturous pull on his chest and stomach like an angry ghost was frantically searching through his body. What would he say? His chest ached more than any injury, his heart feeling like it was running out of blood, and nothing was there to pump more back into it. He wanted to scream, his hand dropping to the hardwood as he stared at the back of the older man walking towards the other room. Why was he so kind to him? Why was he worried?! Why couldn't he be just like every other person in Hoseok's life who'd thrown him away and kicked him at every turn?! Why was he here...? What did he want...? 

What was he doing here?

Hoseok's body shifted, the movements feeling foreign to his stormed mind as he managed to pull himself up to his feet and move forward. There was nothing on his mind now. He couldn't think, his body moving on its own, passing the deserted sweater, now dipped in coffee. He passed the door frame, entering the room the other was in. His ears twitched at the sound of running water, the memories of his life's turning point running beneath his lids as he frowned and tugged at his hair. 'Stop it...' He'd forgotten. For so long, those memories were hidden and he knew nothing of his past. For so long he was safe under the routine of escape and work. Why was the memory of the bleeding man next to him coming back? Why were his hands painted red once more, shaking with guilt? "Stop it..." the words escaped without his knowledge, his lips continuing to move without words to grace them. 

What was he doing here?

Hoseok's hands found a lamp, and for whatever reason, his arm jerked, the lamp hitting the wall across from him. Everything else was gone, all reason had fled. There was only him now. Black. That was all he'd seen at that moment as he screamed words he could not quite remember. It may have been words of plea. May have been words of anger, but his mind was so far gone that any memory past the shattering of glass faded. He recalled one sound, a voice. The voice of the previously concerned man calling out to him. He could not make out any of his words, his own throat crackling with his screams as he pulled ruthlessly on his own hair. Why was the man lying there? Why was he next to him bleeding, while he held the knife? 

What was he doing here?

'Stop it'  
\--  
Simon's body was still visibly shaking, and he found words on his tongue, things he wanted to say but knew were of no use, no sense to be saying. His steps were shuffled and slow as he made his way to the bathroom, washing his hands of the blood that stained his palms. What had Hoseok done? Was he in trouble? Should he be doing something else? Simon took off his glasses, splashing his face with water. He needed to calm down. 

Somewhere outside of his realm of hearing at the moment, Simon knew Hoseok was getting up, and could hear his mumbles with a look of almost glee, excited to hear more words from the young man. But they were not as expected. They almost sounded argumentative. He got his glasses on in time to duck a shattering lamp, but not the fallout, a chip of ceramic cutting the teacher's face. The words that were coming out now were so rushed and so loud that he couldn't quite pick them apart. "Stop" seemed to be recurrent though. 

Simon didn't know what to do. He knew that he had to stop him, but... How? How was he supposed to do anything to stop Hoseok? Screaming, he begged the other to halt, to quit what he was doing, that he was somewhere safe. None of it seemed to match the younger's own screams, but he tried his best to talk over him. 

Finding that this was not working, Simon did the next best thing that he could think of. He needed to snap the younger out of this, and cold water always seemed to do the trick. Snapping the shower into the on position, the blond decided to do what he could and reached out to hug Hoseok. Hug him and practically throw himself onto the floor trying to get the younger into the shower. He hit his head on the edge of the sliding glass, but it was worth it as he felt the chilly water slide over his skin. A shiver rose, along with goosebumps and a satisfied smile. Maybe this would be what the other needed, maybe this would get him to think straight. Simon's own head was fuzzy, but still focused on the screaming male in his arms.  
\--  
The words spoken to him were heard. Hoseok was there, he was sane enough to understand the other's concern, but his fear was far too devastatingly great. He recalled every image that had driven him to this state, his blood loud in his ears as it rushed through his body. He could feel the older man's frenzied actions as he pulled him towards the bathroom, Hoseok's body too limp to help him with whatever he was trying to accomplish. It wasn't until the cold water hit his back and head that Hoseok's eyes grew and he gasped, immediately hugging the man in front of him without realizing. His hold on him was tight, the water crawling down his back, washing away blood and dirt. Somehow, this did what it was assumed to do, calm him, but only for a few minutes, his entire body shivering uncontrollably. He knew this wasn't only due to the sudden coolness brought onto him but mainly of the mental break down session. He knew this part of the equation well, the final part before he was himself again. He knew how to control it.

Hoseok pushed the older man away, needing as much breathing space as possible, his chest moving too fast. He bit down on his lip, attempting to slow his breathing to a normal enough pace so he wouldn't pass out and possibly give the other a heart attack. 'Simon...' While Hoseok was trying to focus on his own breathing to calm himself, his eyes flickered up to the still man, his face bleeding, his tears obvious. He caused that. Hoseok let out a laugh, small and choked, and containing no amusement. It was a pained laugh, something he did to stop from physically beating himself up too much. What was he thinking? Was he really considering this man as anything more than some stranger for even a god damn second? He knew himself better, knowing that being with someone else was practically impossible. Never being able to evade his past nor his actions and personality. This was wrong...

Hoseok placed his head between his knees, allowing a few final tears to pass through, suddenly regretting his decision of taking this job and meeting this man. There was something more powerful however, something that forced him up regardless of his shaking legs. Something that pushed him at every sense of the word, giving him strength he lost the moment he was met with his enemy. He recalled this as his protective instinct. Hoseok's hands were shaking, but they were quick to finish the tasks in mind. He turned the water facet off, moving out of the tub, his eyes meeting the other's confused ones for a second as he grabbed two towels, throwing one to the older man's head, placing the other on his own. He needed to fix things, no matter how small. It was always something he had to do when he managed to fuck up this big. He knew the aftermath well. A melancholic smile stretching his face as he left the washroom and avoided the shards. After all this, the recipient of his madness would be gone before or after he tried to fix things. His hands would move quick, knowing that the other party would be eager to leave, sometimes he wasn't even able to touch the other person before they ran out the door. Simon was probably too shocked to run, it would be soon however, he knew. 

His hands reached for the first aid that was abandoned on the nightstand the night before and walked back to the tub. "Don't move please" his voice shaky and small but authoritative. Hoseok's hands touched the older man's face for a moment, scanning the cut he'd inflicted. He cursed himself for ruining such a face and sighed, balancing the first aid next to him and using the unmoved towel to dry the other's head then moving it down to his shoulders. Taking out the materials needed, he worked quickly to clean off the fresh wound and bandage it. Leaving the mess behind, Hoseok helped the frightened man up, supporting him with his own shaking body. Once reaching the bed, he turned them around and flopped down, both their still wet bodies half laying on the bed, and staring at the ceiling.  
\--  
Fuzzy was an understatement. Simon felt as though his brain had been stuffed with cotton balls, and he couldn't pull them out. Couldn't think around them. Couldn't find anyway to pull them out of his head. But it was okay, really, since they were warm and kept him from thinking, kept him from feeling. Was this what the phrase comfortably numb referred to? He could easily see that. And that was what the blond wanted to be. 

Letting the icy water continue to roll over him, he paid no attention to the younger as he got out, nor until he was suddenly accosted by the rough sounds of silence, the falling water and everything else seeming to halt. His glasses were askew, that was his only problem right now. They were sitting awkwardly over his nose and not quite hooked on one ear, and it was driving him mad. lifting one heavy arm, the teacher corrected this imbalance approximately at the same time he was hit with a towel, taking that as a cue to get up, but frankly, he had no will to. What had he gotten himself into? Why was he behaving so calmly in the midst of all this terror? What had Hoseok done? That had to be the most important question of all. Shuffling in his wet clothing, Simon righted his awkward sitting position into a more comfortable one, thinking about getting up, but not finding the willpower yet. 

Jumping slightly at the cool hands touching his face, pulling down the towel and tending to the gash where the sliver of ceramic had caught him, Simon took a few seconds to register that it was Hoseok. Of course. Who else would it have been? He thought with a smile that was almost a laugh as he chastised himself personally. He allowed his body to be moved, but made no effort to help the younger do it, still not wanting to move as far as he was concerned. And if he did move, it should have been to get out of the wet denim encasing his legs, not to fall into bed. The comfortable cottony feeling still reigned supreme in his mind though, and he let himself fall with the other, without a sound of complaint.

Curling onto his side, Simon opened his eyes, bearing a little smile at the other as he wrapped a leg over him and crossed his arm over the younger’s chest. He was warm. So warm. “You…” He started, finding his fuzzy mind doing less than the proper job of stringing words together into sentences. “You should cuddle back…” The teacher hummed out his desires that he preferred would have stayed under wraps, rather than the words he meant to say. “I mean, that… You should relax… Because I’m not letting you go until you tell me what all that was about. Maybe not everything. But why you’re hurt. Why you yelled at me. And threw the lamp.” Simon curled tighter around the other, holding Hoseok like he was an octopus and Hoseok the clam he planned on eating. He would not let go until he got some closure, some reason for his mild heart attack, and some sort of comfort for the commotion tonight. Then, he vowed, he would return the favor.  
\--  
'What the hell..' was the first thing that came to mind once the other touched him. He seemed to have lost his mind and adapted that of a Koala, resting both his leg and arm on Hoseok's sore body. This was definitely strange. Stranger than anything they had done so far, but he had to admit... it was nice. He felt something alien bubbling up in his chest and he didn't know whether he should laugh or cry- maybe both. He stuck with a small chuckle, crackling from the pressure of the hits taken to his chest previously. How could this man be so cute?

"You're creeping me out" he spat playfully, his eyes moving back to the ceiling and smiling at the man who nuzzled closer. He didn't know what possessed him at that moment, but regardless of the uncomfortable wetness, he liked the pressure and warmth emanating from the older man, so he closed his eyes. Touched the other's arm. Kissed the top of his head. He couldn't understand his actions, but he allowed them to occur, thinking that maybe this could be his last chance at comfort. 

"Hyung.. remember when I said I'm not really myself when I'm in pain?" He didn't wait for an answer, his hand, possibly due to nervousness, began moving in circles on the other's arm. "This may sound crazy, so brace yourself" he swallowed, about to reveal a big part of his life that he had not told anyone before. Never really had the chance to anyway. He was hesitant, and it wasn't the lack of trust which somehow he had so much for this man, but it may have been the threat of release that came with the agreement of explaining himself. He wanted to stay like this as much as possible, but he knew he had to tell him something. It wasn't fair to Simon otherwise. 

"The place I work at... the nightclub. It's owned by the man who took care of me when I first came to Seoul. I was really young." He closed his eyes again, unsettling images crawling underneath his lids as his entire body tensed. "I suck at my job you see" a foreign stretch that seemed to be a smile appeared, his eyes meeting the other's suddenly. "He's letting me keep it regardless of my non-existent skills, even gave me an apartment and bonuses every now and then. He's the only thing keeping me from other professions... you know... prostitution, drug dealing... all that wonderful crap." 

Hoseok unintentionally gripped Simon's wrist, as if holding him from running away, his stare darkening, "Once I do something he doesn't like... however small... I get beat for it" a distressed laughter escaped his lips before he bit down and looked away. "It's not a big deal really, it's just that I tend to have a bit of a nervous attack when I'm in a lot of pain" his words were quicker now, feeling suffocated, "Sorry... I wasn't aware of what I was doing."  
\--  
Simon held tightly to Hoseok despite the protests and his misgivings about their closeness, as it seemed, letting the other stage whatever argument he had, but ignoring it fully because his body reacted the way the elder had expected it would. Even if just a bit, it seemed like the younger wanted to be held like this. Somewhere, buried deeply beneath everything else, he welcomed this sort of touch. Maybe... Maybe he just wasn't used to it, Simon thought to himself as he listened, nodding softly against the other's unwounded shoulder.

Taking in the information, the cotton in his head made it filter through slowly, which was probably the only way Simon got through it all without facing another panic attack himself. He just nodded slowly, gave no other adverse reaction, and took it all in. What concerned him most was not the reaction that Hoseok had, but /why/. Why he became violent. Why he let this person walk all over him, why, just why. Of course, the elder was smarter than to voice this aloud, but rather, wondered silently to himself and he peppered the other's soaked shirt with little kisses, sensing how Hoseok's anxiety was rising again. "It's okay, I forgive you." He simply stated, not knowing what else could encompass everything that he needed to right now. Comfort, understanding, need... None of it would come through properly to the elder, who was still in shock and probably would be for a few hours. 

Reluctantly, he sat up after the younger explained, giving Hoseok his small amends before he took off his polo shirt, a shiver coursing his skin at the cool air of the apartment over wet skin. "Sit up... You'll catch your death in these clothes. Plus, we still have to set your shoulder." Everything about Simon right now was slow and deliberate, but borne with a small smile, for the sake of the dark-haired, tattooed male that lay beside him. He wanted to show him that he could find comfort as a reward for opening up, since it did not seem to be something high on his list of favorite pass times. Moving to stand, Simon carefully helped the younger out of his clothes, offering him a pair of oversized flannels to wear for now, and one of his shirts, since he did not feel like venturing back out to the bloody living room to retrieve Hoseok's things.  
\--  
Hoseok couldn't help the smile that quickly faded once the other sat up. At first, he was bitter because the man moved away from his touch, but once Simon took off his shirt, Hoseok couldn't help but stare. His mind was elsewhere, and regardless of the kind words and gestures, he couldn't keep his eyes away from the tattooed chest. His thoughts crammed to one side as he allowed the other to undress him then his eyes moved to the large pants covering his body. Was Simon really that much bigger than him, or was this purposefully oversized. It didn't matter, it was warm, and this feeling of being safe and comfortable was a nice change to his usual hectic life. His smile grew, not caring anymore what the other would think as he continued to stare, this time at his features, as the other covered himself with fresh clothes. Hoseok noticed he was handsome the moment they met, but this feeling was so different. He didn't know what it was nor how to describe it. He didn't want to control it either. He just let it be.

Reality pushed down on his moment of contentment as his shoulder began to ache once more. He huffed, questioning his body for it's weakness, then moved to the side, giving the other more space to help him push it back into place. His hand found the other's shirt and squinted, ready to scream in pain. The second time wasn't any better as he gasped and groaned, holding back his cries. He was so tired at this point, every single bit of his body aching. Dammit, this was becoming a habit. 

Hoseok's mind processed the information he spoke to the other, knowing that for sure the older man was still curious about his drastic happenings. It was something he could not speak of, and felt like silence would surely bring it up, so he quickly stood, swaying slightly on his unsteady feet. He desperately pulled on the other's shirt then pointed towards the kitchen. "Let's get drunk!" His voice sounded through the empty apartment, his nerves obvious. It wasn't like he thought Simon would forget his little confession of not enjoying alcohol but he honestly did not know what else to say to elude the moment they seemed to be trapped in. Besides, Simon appeared to enjoy alcohol.  
\--  
Helping the other into his clothes, Simon felt a smile gracing his features for how the other looked, drowned in his purposely oversized sleepwear. He couldn't help it that made him comfortable, but, to see Hoseok in his clothes... That was kind of cute. Finishing dressing himself as well, Simon sat back down at the edge of the bed and prepared for the next step that he didn't want to take. Another sound of crunching bones and Simon sat down beside the younger, almost immediately wrapping him up in a warm embrace. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He whispered, the pain obviously written on Hoseok's face. 

Looking up as he was tugged, the blond's eyes followed Hoseok's arms to his face, searching for the catch that had to be hidden there. The younger had made mention that he didn't drink, so what was he trying to do now... 

Reluctantly, Simon rose to his feet, letting Hoseok lead the way for him, the trip to the kitchen uneventful as it could be. Once they got there, however, the teacher noticed that he had forgotten all of his effects on the table. He paused for a second before going over and picking everything up, shoving his sheet music together in a hasty pile, and closing the laptop. Drinking, he would be tempted to write more, and the other obviously needed more of his attention than that would dictate. 

He pulled two beers from the fridge after his hurried attempt at cleaning, setting one down in front of the younger and keeping one for himself, opening the bottle and swallowing the whole thing before he could even take a breath. Laughing as he gasped for air, the blond shook his head, feeling the cotton clear out of his mind with just that one drink. "You... Won't like me when I'm drunk." He warned Hoseok as he reached for another beer already. "I'm cheesy and flirty and... All those bad things." A grin tugged at the corners of his lips, for as much as he said he hated it, being drunk had never sounded like a better escape.  
\--  
Once at the kitchen, Hoseok froze in place, watching Simon pass him and frantically hide his things. Was it work? The hurried motion caused Hoseok's curiosity to reach it's maximum as he eyed the laptop and notes that were shoved away. He sighed, letting it be for now. He wasn't the only one with secrets. His fingers traced the cold glass placed in front of him, watching as the other quickly replaced one beer with another. The younger man's eyes were on his lips more than paying attention to what was coming out of them. Something about flirting while drunk, well... that he certainly didn't mind in all honesty. Hoseok admitted to himself that he would like to finally see this teacher let go. 

Hoseok clearly cheated. Busying himself with his own thoughts and his wandering eyes than actually joining the other with the poison in their hands. Alcohol was something he forbade himself of, knowing the consequences that haunted him for years. In all honesty though, he also just never craved it. Water and tea were enough for him. The older male quickly downed his second beer and when he reached for another, resourcefully keeping the fridge open, Hosoek shoved his own beer in his hands instead. "Take mine" he allowed a smile to pass, his eyes moving to places they shouldn't. His attraction was evident, loud and fucking clear, and it seemed like there was something in this damned kitchen that drove him to lacking any resistance towards his hyung. Deja vu split his image as his pants grew tighter around his member. Dammit... what the hell...

Hoseok rested his head on the cooling material of the table, clearly not wanting the other to see his face as his ears were visibly red. His next actions were so foreign to him for a moment he thought his body was being possessed with a high school girl, and in all honesty, Simon was not drunk enough for this. A hand snacked to the other side of the table, finding Simon's busy hand and holding on to it tightly. Nope, he wasn't going to look up. He did not want to see the possible shock on the other's face. He did not want Simon to see his pathetic face either. "Hyung..." 

what the hell was he thinking...? 

'Stop it idiot...'

"I really like you hyung."

Bloody hell...


	6. Burning Confessions

Simon scoffed as he downed the second bottle, clearly running a race in which he was the only participant, the finishing line the effects of alcohol that would run his system for him. It was obvious that Hoseok wasn't in this game, nor had he honestly expected him to be. Reaching for the bottle offered, the teacher could feel how fuzzy his head had grown to be, but in a different way, kicking the fridge door shut and pouring himself into the chair across from Hoseok. Was the younger staring at him? If he was, he wouldn't complain, but, it was a little odd for him to do so wordlessly. Then again, this was the place that they had been most intimate so far, so maybe he just had a kitchen fetish. Who knows? 

Simon had begun to feel the buzz growing in the back of his head when the other laid out on the table, and his curiosity peaked once more. He was supposed to be the one who was having fun - after all, he was the one who suggested this - but the blond paid no mind to it. He probably wasn't feeling up to it after everything and just wanted Simon to get drunk and forget, but that would be harder to accomplish than he imagined. The teacher was so caught up in trying to analyze the situation that he did not even notice until their hands were wrapped together, and Hoseok was talking. 

What the fuck was he saying? No - Simon must be drunk. He had to be. Sparing a little chuckle, the blond found himself playing with the tattooed male's fingers. "Oh, do you? Took you long enough to come around." The words slipped out before he could even stop them, not even fully aware of why he was saying them. It's not like he shared the same sentiments, really... Their relationship towards one another was so fuelled by rage and dislike that there was no room for affection... Was there? 

Setting down the beer, Simon could feel his face warming up, although whether it was Hoseok or the alcohol causing it, he wasn't really sure. He tugged lightly on the other's hand, smile growing broader by the second. "Say... How about we dance?" He asked, reaching for his laptop and turning it on to the music player. Simon didn't even wait for a confirmation before standing and lightly leading the younger to his chest. The music he had written earlier rang out through the laptop's speakers, and he held Hoseok to his body, leading him in small circles around the kitchen floor. 

"I like you too, Hoseok."

The words were low and soft, whispered as Simon held the other close. God was he ever cheesy when he had been drinking, but somehow, he hoped that the younger wouldn't mind.   
\--  
So he finally confessed. Not only to the older man who was currently teasing him, but to himself as well. This was probably one of the most difficult things he'd done, as he never had the pleasure of experiencing this feeling before. Of course he liked others, it wasn't like he was made out of stone. But his feelings were always so subtle that he never felt the need to confess, and somehow pushing them away whenever it came down to it. This time however, this warmth he felt against the other's chest... it was foreign.. but it was safe. He could even hear Simon's quickening heart beats over the soft music. Hoseok felt safe.

The words to come out of the other however, he wasn't expecting. They shared their feelings after all that happened, and he was so confused. Not only had they met only the day before, but he also put Simon through hell with his unfortunate lifestyle. His fears came back just as quickly as they dissipated with the closeness. No... what if his boss found out? No...

He couldn't do this. 

Hoseok placed his hands on the man's chest, hesitating for a moment, shutting his eyes tightly. He lightly pushed the man away from him, his eyes moving up to the man's confused face. Tears built up in his eyes, but he swore to himself that he would fix this as he pushed them back. His pain was evident, he clearly couldn't hide that, but he didn't know what else to do. "I'm quitting the show first thing tomorrow morning"

He didn't need to think long, those words had been weighing on his tongue since he lay his bloody body on the apartment floor. He was sure of that much. What he couldn't do was walk away from him. 

In all honesty, the point behind two jobs was to get away from the first. To restart his life. This wasn't planned, nor was it something he wanted to happen. It was true, he liked Simon more than he wanted to, but he couldn't bare to hurt this man any longer. He needed to step back. But his feet weren't moving.

"Sorry hyung."   
\--

Simon felt happy, actually, which was quite the surprise. He hadn't expected to feel so good after such a long night, nor after the ridiculous things that had been said. Of course the feeling would be short lived, he thought, when he felt those cool hands press into his chest. Craning his head, Simon looked down at the younger with confusion, maybe a hint of sadness, as he waited for his explanation. 

That was it? 

The blond didn't know whether to laugh or cry, finding that things were finally falling into a certain order when Hoseok scattered the pieces once more. Funny, his immediate reaction was not to try and change his mind, but only to hold him tighter for the time he would have him. "So that's it, huh? You just... Blow in here, captivate me, and run away?" He asked, fighting to keep his hold as the other fought to pull back. 

"I don't want an apology, I want an explanation." 

Was that so much to ask? For everything they had put each other through? For the common ground they had just seemed to find? For the 3,000 minutes they had shared, this was all it was going to end on: a 'Sorry' and then goodbye? Simon had honestly not felt this confused for quite some time, probably since he'd last dated... And this just went to prove that he shouldn't date period.   
\-----

Regardless of the words spoken, the man's voice soothed him slightly, hopelessly pushing the man away without any actual strength, needing the touch more than anything at that moment. He wanted to cry out, wanted to bury his face in the other's clothes and just allow things to settle as they were, but no... he never really had any luck. He would not cause him anymore pain. 

An explanation. It was funny how Hoseok could run around, mouthing off and teasing anyone and everyone he met, but once it came to talking about himself, his words would flee and leave him defenseless. What could he tell him? Could he really explain or be forced to lie as habit called for? The latter seemed like the better option, quickly reminding himself of his background and how he never wanted to pull Simon into it. His words contradicted his thoughts however.

“I don't want to hurt you hyung.” his voice slightly muffled by Simon's shirt.

Why couldn't he shut up for once? Why was his mouth so rebellious? 

How far was he planning on going?

“I like you too much to do this to you.”

'Dammit shut up!'

\--

Simon's hand came to rest at the base of Hoseok's neck when the younger was left with his face buried into the elder's shirt, his other arm resting loosely about his waist. Though they had long stopped moving, the music played on. Such a melody suddenly seemed quite apt for heartache. It didn't hurt, not yet, but he was sure it would after Hoseok had his say. The younger had no problem going in for the kill, and the blond knew it well enough. 

The words were the last thing that the teacher expected, however, wanting to have them repeated and then wanting to hit the other for being so... weird. He let his grip tighten around the tattooed male as they sunk in, and he sighed. 

"You're funny if you think you can hurt me. For everything we've done to each other... You're the bruised and broken one. I have a scratch on my cheek." It was an attempt at comfort, but Simon could see himself failing at that one, so he quickly changed tactics. 

"If... If you're serious about leaving, then will you at least let me hold you tonight?" He asked to follow up, changing the direction of the conversation. He would not beg, if Hoseok thought this was the only way, but the younger probably underestimated what lengths Simon would go through to find him again. 

He pulled away just far enough to look at the younger and get a good view of his face. Yeah, if he really left, Simon would go out and find him... After all, a face like Hoseok's stuck out in the crowd.   
\--  
Drama had been a constant genre in his life. From being kicked out, to the lowest point in his life, to this. He didn't know how to order the events in all honesty, feeling like each part was worse than the other yet all sharing the same element of crushing him.

Of course Simon didn't understand. How would he? He didn't know what the other meant by hurting him, and it may have brought a smile to his face, because Hoseok didn't want him to know. He wasn't going to ever let it happen, hiding and protecting his hyung becoming his goal. 

He was so offended by his next words, speaking of holding each other, he wanted to bite his chest, but the man pulled away before he could. Bastard dodged a bullet. Hoseok's teeth were no joke. It was funny how, regardless of the situation, the teacher could still bring a smile to his beaten face. He wanted to punch him for it, especially after so much of this gross contact. 

Hoseok playfully scowled up at the man and raised an eyebrow. He would give him tonight. He really wanted to. He could at least give him this much. "You're grossing me out hyung, seriously what the hell" he finally found his voice, his words held no means of resentment as he teased Simon, pushing him off and smirking. Somehow, in that moment, his pain and worries seemed to dissolve, replaced by a growing bit of peace and contentment. He wasn't going to complain, giving himself and the other at least this one moment of free thought. They both needed it.   
\--  
Letting a broad, cheesy grin take over his face, Simon hugged Hoseok closer gently, trying not to disturb anything that might still be even sort of out of place. "I told you I get cheesy when I drink! And I'm pretty sure I told you that you wouldn't like it..." He muttered sheepishly as a follow-up, stumbling back a bit as they separated. He was not quite drunk yet, but this with buzz and the circumstances of tonight, Simon gave himself a free pass to be as cheesy as he felt. At least, it seemed like the other enjoyed it too, from what he could tell. 

So he took a step forward. Then another. And yet a third, until he was pressed onto Hoseok once more. Cheesy or not, if this was going to be their last night, their last encounter in the foreseeable future, he did have something he wanted to do. Tilting the younger's head up, Simon made sure that their eyes met before anything else. 

It took him a good few seconds to work up the courage, taking a deep breath and swallowing in what had to be the most unappealing display he could imagine, but... Simon just wanted this to be a perfect memory. One that would last the younger for months, years if need be, before they met again. Slowly, as not to detract anything from the moment, Simon leaned in, covering those pierced lips with his own, feeling the warmth of the metal embedded in the younger's mouth pressing against his flesh. Taking his time, the blond dragged everything out: the initiation, the gentle nipping, the inevitable dance between their tongues. 

It was the ideal last kiss for the younger, Simon's form of a parting gift. And now that it was over, he backed away quickly, fearing the repercussions, a small smirk teasing over his wet lips. "Are you coming to bed with me?"   
\--  
The closeness of the other was nice, even if it caused a small grunt considering the injuries and how sore his body was. Once Simon reached closer to his face, Hoseok could feel the pressure in his chest and his body burning. They had yet to touch, but their connection was clear, reading into each other's eyes. Knowing exactly what they wanted. Hoseok's hands moved on their own, snaking around the other's torso and up to the back of his neck the moment their lips pressed against each other. There was passion more than lust. Their tongues brushing, exploring each other's mouth and melting into the kiss which was not long enough.

His eyes. Damn, he must have fallen for those eyes. They spoke so much as they separated, Simon backing away and looking right through him. Hoseok felt a shiver roll down his spine and through his arms and legs, possibly even his groin, as he felt the warmth settle there. His eyes spared no time to lower to the older man's ass as he watched him walk away. This was it, he was in this moment and there was nothing else on his mind than them being together for as long as possible. His feet padded on the cold flooring, a sudden boost of energy circulating his entire body. The moment they were in the bedroom, their eyes connected again. 

Hoseok was too fired up to be subtle anymore, knowing exactly what they both wanted but wouldn't voice out. If this was the last time, then they had to make it memorable. His fingers moved down the length of the older man's arm, their hands touching for a moment as he connected their lips again. This time, the kiss was sloppy and wet, but the passion and heat between them kept him from caring about technique. His mind had vacated as he allowed his body to do all the talking, grabbing Simon's hand and moving it to his own groin, allowing him insight. "I want you hyung" he spoke into the man's mouth, his breaths quickening as he felt the touch on his member.   
\--  
 Simon wasted no time in retreating to the bedroom, feeling his arousal grow with just the anticipation alone of having the younger be his once more, one last time. The coy smile he wore disappeared between their lips, his eyes taking in the placid bliss that covered Hoseok's face before he lost himself in the heated liplock and the feeling of the younger's arousal in his hands. He cared not for anything else, other than the siren song of the younger's body calling him in. 

Simon's hand loosened from where the younger had held it, instead wrapping his hands around his waist and lifting Hoseok up to place him gently on the bed, not letting their lips part until he was seated on the bed and the teacher could wait no longer. Letting his lips trail down the other's chin and neck, Simon undressed him with the same care that he had shown in dressing him, revealing the hardened length that he knew would be waiting for him and stretches of tattooed skin. Unlike last time, when there had been nothing but hatred, Simon wanted to show the younger something more. He wanted to give him all the pleasure that he already knew but with none of the pain that had left him limping the night before. 

Leaning over Hoseok once he was bare, Simon let his hand go back to the place it had been directed, this time without any fabric in the way of his touches. His erect flesh was so warm beneath the blond's palm, he could not help but let out a light groan as he really explored the younger's body, taking his time as he played with the tattooed male. 

The teacher started slowly, simply stroking Hoseok's length, feeling the heated flesh throb in his hand. It was quite erotic now that he was taking the time to savor each action and see how he could affect the younger. Before long, he had allowed his lips and tongue to take part in the action as well, lavishing his attentions between the other's length and his testicles, not wanting to miss a single chance to give the dark haired male as much pleasure as he could. It was a practice in restraint for Simon, whose own body was on the verge of betraying him, his length apparent even beneath baggy pajamas; But the whole point of them being together now was to erase the night before and create something for them to remember another by that was not abject hatred.   
\--  
There were so many emotions flowing through him that Hoseok didn't know exactly what to focus on. A part of him screamed at him to not end it like this, that he would regret it, the other part just wanted to hold on to Simon as much as possible for the rest of the night. His heart was pounding in his ears as soon as Simon undressed him and began stroking. He leaned back on his elbows, closing his eyes and breathing out the heaviness in his chest. It kept coming back every time the other moved up, barely grazing the tip, and it seemed Hoseok was craving more as his hips spoke for him, thrusting up against Simon's hand. 

"Hyung stop teasing me" Hoseok groaned, tilting his head back and quickening the thrusts. He was unable to hide the fact that he missed the roughness from the night before. It was something he didn't think he would enjoy, but somehow, the thought of it excited him greatly. He bit his lip and grabbed Simon by the collar, quickly standing to his feet and pushing the startled man to the bed. He may have enjoyed the surprise on his face a little more than necessary as his own penis twitched and hit his stomach lightly once he moved to straddle him. "Sorry, I couldn't help it."

There was no time to lose, Hoseok's hands moving without thought. He pulled the man's shirt off with one quick motion, his hands moving down the tattooed chest, admiring it. "You look amazing" his eyes shot up to meet Simon's, a smirk crossing his face at the lust in his eyes, then moved down. His tongue flicked the other's nipples, tasting every part of the tattooed, flushed chest before slowly sliding down to his pants. He didn't want to tease, he just wanted to have him in his mouth. All of him. Choking wasn't a bad experience after all. 

His fingers wrapped around the band and pulled Simon's pants down just enough for his excited member to hit his face. A small chuckle escaped Hoseok's lips, making sure there was eye contact at all times as he took Simon's entire length in his mouth. He couldn't help the hand that moved down to touch his own length as he sucked Simon off, moaning at the multiplying pleasure burning his body, his other hand brushing against the older's abs. They seemed to get lost in each other's eyes as Hoseok's head bobbed and hearing the other's moans was enough to almost get Hoseok off as he let his dick go, holding himself back to enjoy the moment further.   
\--  
He knew that soft shit wouldn't go over well. Simon reluctantly began to let go of Hoseok, wondering if he really was such a sucker for rough sex and pain. The teacher, however, when not as angry as he had been that night considering the bullshit attitude the younger had pulled, was more of a quietly passionate fellow, the sort to spoil his lover and take the time to find out every intricacy of their likes and dislikes, ways to turn them on and use their bodies to bring them to the edge, then slowly draw back to keep the game going... But again, he should have known that wouldn't work here. Not with Hoseok. Not with their non-existent relationship. Shame. 

He felt his lips open in a gasp as he was pulled up and wheeled around by the younger male, who was far stronger than he looked, after all, his eyes wide on the other. Hoseok was enjoying this way too much. He allowed the younger to peel his clothing off, the thin material of the shirt doing little to hide Simon's form and ink anyways. It was almost entrancing to watch, the way the tattooed male's eyes glimmered as he teased and tasted flesh, tracing the defined lines cut across the teacher's torso down until he released Simon's throbbing length from beneath his baggy pajamas. 

It was true, Hoseok's mouth tasted like lust incarnate, and his wet, hot muscle sliding over the blond's length made him remember thinking that previously. God, was it ever the perfect mouth for giving a blowjob, his dick being bathed in heat and treated to the younger's tight throat all at once. "Fuck--" Simon managed to grunt out, his lips much looser thanks to the lingering effects of the alcohol in his system, the arm not propping up his body going to weave through damp hair to pull those lips down to meet his flesh. The more he watched the younger's arm move, the more Simon wanted to force upon him, bucking his hips upwards as he pushed the dark, unruly hair down. 

More unsolicited groans left Simon's lips as he watched, though his eyes never did quite lower to the action, but rather, remained focused on Hoseok's. Even as his mind grew clouded, those eyes kept him focused, locked on with everything he had. He could hardly take much more, the strange intensity of it all making his length throb and leak, nearing a point of no return. "Hoseok -- No more." The blond gave his command, tugging at the dark hair once more to pull him away, puffy pinks lips shining with his own saliva. "Get up here," He said next, this time more of a request than command, tugging the younger up onto the bed and into his lap, sliding his saliva-slicked cock into the cleft of the other's cheeks and rolling his hips. 

Simon did this for just a few seconds, just to get him used to the feeling, before he drew back a bit, lining his length against the tight hole of the younger. He knew his body must still be sore, so he wanted him to go at his own pace until he could get accustomed to the stretch of being filled again. the teacher's eyes had yet to leave the younger's, knowing he'd follow through and complete the action on his own without need for being told.   
\--  
Having been told to stop, Hoseok was incredibly tempted to push Simon further, destroying any composure the other still had. Once he was pulled however, he allowed him to do as he wished, his eyes still set on the other's, a soft, melancholic smile appearing out of nowhere. As to not ruin the moment, the younger quickly buried his face in the man's shoulder and kissed it a few times, letting out pleasured sighed at the kind hands that touched him. His own hands slithering around the boiling body beneath him, grasping handfuls of the other's hair, slowly lowering his hips to meet the waiting cock. The slow stretch was agonizing, but this time it was wet enough, and he was more than ready to take his full length.

Hoseok moved his hips slowly, his own member rubbing between their torsos and leaking. There was no control. His hips moved untimely on their own and with the support of the other's hungry hands. His mind was lost in the pleasure and agony of the knowledge of the aftermath. Their bodies somehow synchronized at one point however, Hoseok's moans seemingly louder than the other's as his voice echoed throughout the apartment. It wasn't without words as he called out to the other, sometimes asking for more aggression, other times approving the pace and accepting the tenderness that flowed out of the older male. 

Their breaths quickened with the ever increasing heat and pleasure that connected them, the pace mirroring their emotions. Hoseok moved his head, needing more, their lips connecting again. The kiss was sloppy, wet, passionate, and far too emotional. Tears slipped without warning, and he hoped to everything that Simon did not notice. His body began to show the routine signs of peaked pleasure, limbs weakening, head tilting, stomach turning, chest burning, and before he could scream Simon's name, the flow of white was released on the other's chest, his hole spasming against the man's penis. His hands quickly found Simon's thighs for support, forgetting about his own dizzying pleasure as he continued to roll his hips against the length inside him, hoping to bring Simon to a breaking point, milking him.   
\--  
The smile caught the eyes that were still gazing in wonder at the younger of the two, knowing all too well what it was for. The ache of the other leaving would be something he had to bury for the time being. It was more important to make this worth the pain that was inevitable. Moving his large hands around the other's frame, Simon touched every inch of skin in reverence, thankful that he even got this chance. His touches were gentle around the bruising that showed, the red blotches that Hoseok wore, but demanding where he felt he could be, begging for more of the male in his lap. 

The entire speed of the act this time was something that Simon felt was more appropriate: the slow slide that engulfed his length in heat, the feeling of the other clinging to his hair, the soft lips that grazed his shoulder as the younger tried to hide what was really going through his mind. Trying to hide that this was something more than just a means to an end. Falling into the rhythm that the other set, hips rushing up to meet the ones that bounced against his, Simon did his best to acquiesce every breathy request Hoseok made, being rougher with his body when it seemed like he needed it, then falling back into the steady-but-passionate pace that had been set for them to begin with. 

All the while, his mind was focused on Hoseok's body and his response, learning what the younger craved and how exactly he preferred his contact, watching every reaction and letting his body stay open and receptive to each action. Simon still refused to believe that this night would be their last; not by a long shot. 

It felt as though they were one for a fleeting few moments, their synchronous movements building to an almost frenzied pace when their lips connected, leaving Simon breathless before the kiss even sealed, breathing in the very same air that was exhaled against his nose. He could smell the tears on the younger's skin but said nothing, just shifting a hand to his hair and kept him pressed tight to his lips. He would never let Hoseok know that he knew, it would be too much. For both of them. 

Simon felt the other grow weaker in his arms and loosened his grip, rather than pulling him tighter, allowing his trembling body to sit upright and helping to hold him there, letting him ride out his own end before he could even contemplate letting himself release, though the struggle to satisfy his own desires was hard to push back. As Hoseok rolled against his length, Simon allowed his body to let go, giving himself over to the pleasure that the younger offered him, the hold of his spasming body too much to fight against for long. Bringing his strong hands to rest around the younger's hips, he clasped them tight as his seed filled Hoseok's body, stilling the motions that threatened to be his undoing. 

Panting, he tugged Hoseok to his chest, not giving a damn about the stickiness that lay between their bodies, but just wanting to fulfill his playful words from earlier, wanting to hold him, and just be close to the one that had him so wrapped up that he could barely breathe right now. 

This couldn't be the end. It just couldn't. He just had to figure out how to tell that to Hoseok.


	7. Gone

Comfort carried Hoseok to an almost sleeping state, his body absolutely seized with pleasure and content. Simon felt so warm beneath him that he couldn't think far enough to move and clean the mess they made, nor easing off some of his weight on the older man. Regardless of his lanky body, he was still heavy, and it couldn't possibly be pleasant for the poor man. It was so comfortable however, listening to the calmed breaths of the other, blown warmly on his shoulder. His fingers moved up to touch Simon's hair, playing with it for a few minutes, enjoying every bit of this blissful moment until the smell of semen overpowered his need for the man's touch. "Can we please shower?" his voice was weak and discordant, a result of the previous screams. 

The man didn't wait for an answer to stand, the sound of mush between their chests caused a shiver to roll down his spine and through his arms, raising hairs. He could feel the same liquid slowly flow down his inner thighs as he gave Simon a look, another shiver moving about his body. A small chuckle escaped without knowing the reason why, but he was happy. He felt ridiculous in all honesty, but he was already becoming greedy, grabbing hold of Simon's hand- it was softer than he'd expected- and guiding him to the bathroom, his hands quickly wiping away any traces of his previous tears. Hoseok bent over intentionally in a seductive manner to turn on the shower faucet, and hoped for some reaction from the other without having to look, his hands searching again for the man's hands. He pulled him in, walking backwards into the warm water and rolling his eyes at the pleasuring touch against his sore skin. 

Once he came to, he grabbed a conveniently placed loofah from the side, filling it up with shampoo- the only thing that was available, and began lathering Simon's chest and stomach. Their eyes met for a second, Hoseok hoping this wasn't uncomfortable for the older man, because he really wanted to do this. He tried to focus on cleaning off his semen, slyly throwing away the loofah once that was accomplished and replacing it with his hands. His fingers ran across the bumpy abdomen, up to his solid chest, his fingers barely grazing Simon's nipples before moving back down and meeting the now limp member. His eyes met the other's amused ones, his own mischievous ones sparkling evilly, "It needs to be washed too."   
\--  
Letting the smell of sex and sounds of heavy breathing be theirs for a few minutes, Simon kept his words true, holding the younger close. His long, strong fingers stroked little lines and swirls over the other's painted skin until he pulled back, letting him go. He let himself be lead as well, finding that there was no other option once he heard the soft, sweet laugh that spilled from Hoseok. 

Smitten. It was something he had not been in a very long time. 

Watching as the other bent over, it took a lot of willpower not to smack his round ass, wanting to feel that flesh again. It was quickly growing consuming, the desire he had to touch and caress, to own and possess. It was just going to make it all the harder when he wanted to leave, but Simon did not care. He felt young again, alive in a way he didn't know he was missing; awake after a long hibernation. He only chuckled at the sight, before allowing himself to be lead back into the place that had housed them not long before. 

Simon felt as though he was watching a movie, the lithe, colored hands that danced over his muscular body feeling like something out of a dream. He carefully cultivated a smile when blurred eyes met his own un-glassed ones, his hands tightening into fists by his side before lifting. They came to rest on Hoseok's shoulders, slowly rubbing firm small circles on the spots he knew would be sore. In combination with the warm water, he hoped that they would loosen, and not remain knotted for another night. A groan bubbled out when he felt the same touch that had caressed his body caressing his member, a small stirring rolling in the pit of his stomach. "You're insatiable..." He grinned at that smiling face, using the grip on the younger's shoulders to steer him backwards against the wall of the shower, pressing flesh to tile. 

He leaned down slightly, just enough to press their lips together before mumbling against them. "You're driving me mad. You really should stop now, or else I'll never let you go." It was a warning, and a promise that Simon made, all in one. But just as quickly as it started, he pulled back, taking the shampoo bottle and pouring some into his hands, rubbing them together to foam it before he replaced his grip on Hoseok, letting his fingers dance over ink and scars, taking care to be gentle with the bruising that peeked through.   
\--  
The hands that touched him were gentle and warm, and Hoseok could not get used to the feeling just yet. It would probably take him a century worth of this experience to somewhat file it as a normal occurrence between two people who liked each other. They were not together however, and Hoseok held on to that as much as he could, because otherwise... he wouldn't be able to leave. A smile played on his face at the man's words, the stretch being unfamiliar, calm and pleasant, but carrying a hint of sadness. What would he say? What could he do other than what was necessary? He shook the feeling off, wanting so badly to have a thoughtless night with this man just for now. His hands moved away from the other's member, sliding up the wet skin, and landing on his solid chest, his eyes closing in the pleasure of the man's hands on his injured body. "Then don't." Hoseok whispered.

He knew what those two simple words meant to both of them, and no matter how impossible they could be, they slipped out for a reason. He didn't want to look at the expression the other would make, resting his forehead on the taller man's shoulder instead, his hands moving down to wrap around his waist. "Wash me off, I'm too lazy" he demanded playfully, attempting to ease down the heavy atmosphere. Hoseok was so tired. He wanted to close his eyes and rest against this warmth forever. He wanted to forget about everything, and no matter how hard he tried to push away the constant thought of his future plans to leave him without a word, they kept coming back to punch him in the gut. He peppered kisses on Simon's shoulder and neck, tears silently slipping down his cheeks. Dammit, he was such a crybaby.   
\--  
'I won't.' The words sounded in his head, but would not pass his lips, Simon's body holding back the words that would give the impossibility another sliver of hope. He had only been given this time, he knew he could not press into it more. The idea alone made his heart clench in an unfamiliar and painful way, the grimace on his face something he was glad the younger did not care to see. 

Beneath the warm stream of water, he held the other tightly, hands taking every liberty they could with the lanky form as he washed him, leaving no spot untouched. The blond's fingers traced the lines of ink, the length of his spine, and every subtle curve that Hoseok had to offer as he lathered his body in suds, despite the fact that they were wiped away by the water in the blink of an eye. That just gave him an excuse to do it again, and draw these moments out selfishly. 

Silently, knowing he had taken more time and liberty than he should have, the teacher finally put an end to it, balancing on one leg to turn the water off with his foot, so that he could stay wrapped up with Hoseok for just a little longer. That was all his body and mind screamed for right now, and he would take every opportunity presented to do so, while there was time. Feeling like there was so much left unsaid and unexplored with him was hard, and this was Simon's way of coping - by keeping him close now, though it would just exacerbate his pain later. What a double edged sword, he thought, pulling a towel from the bar alongside the shower and covering Hoseok with it, covering his exposed body to stave off a chill. He said nothing of the drips that continued to fall on his shoulder, feigning stupidity for the time being. It would make this easier in the end, and hopefully save them both from more tears in the future.   
\--  
He allowed himself to cry silently as the other washed him down. The gentle hands that caressed his body were so calming, and yet filled him with further rage and frustration. They stepped out the shower together, wrapped in one large towel, awkwardly moving out of the bathroom. Hoseok wiped his tears and snot quickly, chuckling at the way they shuffled into the bedroom and gave Simon's jaw a peck before releasing himself. "We should sleep, I'm so tired." he spoke slyly, pretending nothing happened, that he didn't cry for the entire time they were in the shower. Hoseok shivered, running towards the bed and crawling under the blanket, his body still damp, his hair dripping. "No clothes!" he pointed at Simon who stood silently for a moment, possibly wondering how old Hoseok really was considering his childish ways. He patted the space next to him, worming his way closer to Simon once he lay there, and flung an arm and leg over him, a quirky smile crossing his face. 

After much silence, hoping the other had fallen asleep, Hoseok leaned closer, whispering against his shoulder, "Maybe tomorrow will be a better day."   
\--  
Simon allowed - closer to orchestrated, but he liked to think of it as something he allowed - the awkward shuffle while they stayed wrapped up, Grinning a little in spite of everything else because he caught a glimpse of how ridiculous they really looked in the bathroom mirror. Good times- he'd probably laugh over it again someday when he wasn't too busy wallowing in pity. 

He stood as the other left him and began to thoroughly dry his skin off, reaching down for his bag when the warning came from the other, like a child shouting not to peek during a game of hide and seek. Bearing a bright grin and nothing else, the teacher shrugged, shuffling his way to the bed without his glasses. 

Laying there felt like a dream, after he found the line of the comforter and snuggled beneath it. It still smelled like sex, but not in such an offensive way as to ruin their bath, but more the memory of sweat and passion, and Simon snuggled deeper into it, and more against Hoseok. His arm wrapped protectively over the younger, keeping him close for the night. 

Sleep was swift this way, the blonde lasting no more than five minutes before his eyes were closed and his jaw slack, the warmth of the other granting him the most peaceful sleep he could expect to get for everything that had gone on today.   
\--  
Finally sleep took him so far under that he couldn't feel the pain that clung so firmly to his skin, pulling at it, scraping it off and digging at his wounds. He couldn't even dream in the blinding darkness that surrounded him, and it was a feeling he longed for. Hoping the numbness would consume him and he wouldn't have to wake up until the nightmares end, and only Simon and his parents remained. That would be nice...

Morning came too soon, the sun still peeking from it's mysterious confinement. He watched it colour the sky, the rays slowly moving about the room, getting closer to them until it sparkled over Simon's golden skin. Hoseok's eyes oozed affection, the lifeless aura around him finally departing, his fingers brushing over Simon's cheek carefully to not wake him. Their connection was too strong for people that barely knew each other, and he never believed in reincarnation until that very moment, thinking they may have been married in a past life. The younger of the two chuckled to himself quietly at the stupid idea, sighing once it wasn't funny anymore, the daunting, vile thoughts of his plan slowly crawling back up his skin. His eyes darkened, the inhuman tone coloring them as they avoided Simon's beautiful sleeping state. The young man untangled himself from his previous lover, moving around the house like a criminal- and fuck everything, because he was. Within minutes he was dressed, erasing every part of his existence, which included the camera tapes, and disappearing out the door. He would have to send back that front payment as an apology. 

The streets were awake, Seoul never really slept, and while walking back to his previous routine and life, he allowed himself to be lost in thought. Somewhere in the back of his head lingered the reaction Simon would have once he woke up. Another thought scratched at his head that the man still had his number, his phone suddenly feeling heavy in his pocket. He knew this already, even contemplated whether to deleted it off Simon's phone- going so far as to destroy it if he couldn't figure out the password. But he didn't. He knew the reason behind his stupid heart taking over at that moment, and he let it pass. It was already hard enough to leave without saying a word. Without a touch or a kiss. Only allowing himself a quick final look before abandoning the poor teacher. It was for his own good, as Hoseok constantly reminded himself. The people he worked for were unforgiving and ruthless, not caring much about humanity, as long as no one messed with their business. Personal relationships were sacred, only reserved for those of higher status, and where Hoseok resided, under the shoe of the gang's boss, he was nothing more than property. 

The city moved in slow motion as his mental state broke to nothing, his old self creeping under his skin not too long after he arrived at the nightclub, checking in as a means of routine he followed under the command of their boss. He was never there in the mornings, only ever coming when there was business to attend to before the birds chirped. Hoseok moved about the club, eyeing the few that were there, mainly the cleaning crew and other gang members who were already drinking, raising their cups in his direction. He gave a weak nod as acknowledgement before moving to the back, opening his locker. In the years of his destructive life, attempting one secret job after another, he kept a hidden notebook of addresses and mailing information. He knew he needed to give back the money he did not deserve, so he memorized the company's mailing information, emptying out his locker except for the apron. He headed out of the club as soon as he stole a large empty envelope from a random desk, hiding it in his duffle bag and moving quick to the nearest bench on the other side of the street. He wrote the information sloppily, but it was readable, quickly shoving the money in and rushing to the street mailbox rarely anyone used anymore, sliding the envelope in and disappearing. 

No.. he wasn't thinking up a plan. No, he didn't do everything on his agenda to delete all traces of himself. He definitely was not cowering away through the streets, paranoia of the gang already watching him weighing on his back. He wasn't about to go risk his life by tiptoeing around the city, heading towards the devil's nest to beg him for forgiveness and freedom. It was possibly the craziest idea he would ever come up with, but it was the only thing that he could do. He was so ready to let go, until he left the sleeping man. He couldn't do this anymore, and even if Simon wouldn't take him back, he would find a way to survive honestly without the weight of the gang on his chest, pushing him down to an endless abyss. He needed to do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes you guys emotional and ready for the next chapter... <3


	8. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: This chapter is incredibly emotional and it took a long time for me to be able to reread it enough to edit, because of the emotion that stirred while writing it. The content is very explicit and covers topics that are not exactly comforting... I can't say much more than that to not ruin the experience for those who do want to read it, but I just wanted to warn you guys anyway.

The sleep that carried Simon through the night was peaceful and quiet, deep and relaxing. The sleep he had not felt since college years, when he had given up hopes of finding a true lover and stumbled into one instead. The man had been gorgeous, a fellow string player, and the one that Simon had given the most of himself to. They had given everything of themselves to one another. It was complete and an encompassing feeling, one that had only been surpassed by the male tangled together with him now. 

The memories that filled and wove into dreams were replaced almost immediately, his former lover being taken over by Hoseok's visage, putting him in the places and times where Simon himself was most happy, most comforted by being around another person. Hoseok was now that comfort to him, and it made his heart hurt, even in his restful sleep, causing him to pull back and nestle into the male with a renewed force. The last thing he wanted was to have him pull away. He was already beginning to imagine their life as it could be together, something that seemed entirely possible in his dreams. 

It came with great sorrow, then, that he was left cold, pulling the blankets tighter around his body to keep warm, missing the other by his side, but not enough to wake up. Perhaps he was subconsciously saving himself from waking up and seeing the one he had grown attached to leaving him, as it always seemed they did in the end. He made sure to stay asleep through the sounds that were made, the shuffling that permeated his dreams. They became white noise, dulled beneath the sheer want of keeping him here that Simon clung to so desperately that he could not be roused. 

When he did wake, however, it was with a start. Hoseok was gone. He couldn't believe himself, for thinking that somewhere in him, the younger would find reason to stay. It was a longshot, but somewhere, deep down, Simon hoped that he would have given in, given to Simon and something it seemed like he would have wanted but… Fuck everything. Rolling over into the side of the bed the other had slept on, Simon gripped the pillows and sheets, wondering why this all hurt so bad. Was the younger that good of an actor? Had this all been nothing? He had even shown so much more of himself than Simon imagined the night before, the way he cried so openly, the way he clung to him through the night… Breathe. Simon had to remind himself to even take a breath, although that just magnified the burning sensation building in his chest. His throat was tight, and there was nothing that he could do about it. 

Giving himself over, Simon let the tears roll down his cheeks, unable to help the pain that seared through his chest, his cheeks, his nose, his eyes… His heart. It was a fault, to feel so much and ache so deeply. Why he had let himself expose that side to Hoseok, given him the opportunity to hurt him so much, he didn’t know. The cameras didn’t even phase him right now, they were the last thought on his mind as he sobbed against the bedsheets, the pain very real as it poured from his body. 

Letting the tears go until he could cry no more, Simon still sobbed, the pain helping his aching heart for some sick and twisted reason. He just wanted to hurt right now but knew that it was not something that he could wallow in forever. It was late afternoon before he could find the strength to get out of bed. He went to the bathroom, catching himself looking at the towel they had used the night before and almost broke down again. This was too much. After a shower, he needed to leave, get out. Maybe go back home for a short time, anywhere but here was his only goal. The shower lasted quite some time, but it was mostly just Simon standing under the spray until it grew cold, sighing and trying to wash the stench of tears into oblivion. 

There was nothing left for him, and he had to leave. Going home was the only option now. Going back to his students. His music. Anywhere but here. 

Dressing, Simon left the apartment given by the production company, and got his car out of the parking lot, going home. The only place he could think to find solace. Give himself over to his music. Something, anything to distract from the pain. He knew that he had promised to find Hoseok, but right now... He could not even understand why he left. Simon needed to figure that out and plan before he could fulfil his words to the younger. Never in his life had he been so happy to see the place that gave him peace and solace, since he would need it now to get back the younger.  
\--  
It was a while before he could open his eyes. His body had numbed itself, giving in to the overwhelming pain and stilling as he lay, limbs sprawled in different directions, bleeding into the carpeted floor. He couldn't recall much after the first blow to the head. All Hoseok could really remember was the furious face the devil graced him with when he was finished speaking. Told him he wanted to leave, to be away from this life and that he wanted to live in peace. Away from all his past. The man was not impressed to say the least, swinging the beer bottle in his hand to connect with the side of the younger's head. 

Things were hazy then, he tried to keep himself up but the way he felt his brain crash to the other side of his head, and the shards that entered his left eye made it hard, kept him incapable of anything, so he fell to his knees. His entire body sinking as a wretched scream ripped at his throat. His hand instinctively reached for the pain radiating from the side of his head, the large pieces that sunk through the skin at his temple cut his palm. Dark lines disrupted his vision as he glared up at the devil incarnate, his breath quickening, attempting to hear out the barely audible words the other spoke against the ringing and pounding in his ears. He could only pick up a few words, something about leaving, something about paying the price. Something about death. He was a coward. Hoseok was a fucking coward and upon hearing the words, his body stilled, allowing the older man to kick and hurt him. He allowed the blood to spill and that was all he could take before his consciousness slipped into an endless black. Before he could give up, give in to the possible death that tugged at him, Simon's silhouette passed his vision for a moment. 

So here he was, bleeding, and the pain was slowly coming back to haunt him, his body shaking uncontrollably. What he didn't expect was the disappearance of his boss, instead being replaced by a few men in dark blue uniform. At first, he bit his lips, cursing his damned life for being so ridiculously unlucky, thinking it was the police, but the men spoke medical terms, and probed at his aching body with careful, experienced hands. He sighed out the breath he was holding for so long, his chest untwisting from the pleasure of another breath taken in. "What's your name? Can you hear me?" it was a small voice, but he knew it was his body still waking from it's drowning pain. 

He tried to speak, answer him but the only sounds that came through were moans until he was placed on the stretcher. The man leaned closer, thinking maybe the moans were words, and he was right to do so. Simon's name lay softly on his tongue, barely audible even to himself, and the poor paramedic thought it was his own name. It didn't matter- hearing Simon's name over and over as they prepped him, and took him to the hospital, telling him to hold on, it kept a smile on his bruised lips as he gave in to the unconscious once more. 

Somewhere in the deepest black, he recalled what the devil was spouting as he slowly went about murdering him. The voice played in his head, and he knew the meaning of the strange mixture of sounds and words. He knew he succeeded, and that the devil was less worthy of his name than he thought. He had it easy, his request something that was beyond anyone in their business and situation. Hoseok knew. He'd seen it in action. He hoped the man's fondness would allow him to come out still alive, and for the first time in his life, luck had taken his side, because holy shit he was still breathing. After the recollection of memories, and noticing the smile that stretched his lips, Hoseok allowed the world to come to view, somehow everything was different in the few hours of his sleep- his hands automatically touching the bandages wrapped around half of his face, covering his eye and ear. He was grateful nonetheless. Not only was he alive and free, a man's form stood inches away, tall, thin, wrapped in dark clothing. He recognized the dark glasses and the beautiful eyes behind them. He had studied those lips and jawline so many times already. His fingers had touched the blond hair and ran about that amazingly sculpted body. But he couldn't be real. He couldn't be. This wasn't Simon.  
\--  
It was far from the usual for his phone to ring at this hour, but Simon could not ignore it. It wasn't as though he was sleeping, but, he was trying at least. 

The rest of the evening after he had retrieved his things and gone back home to his dogs and his haven had gone by as though the other things that he had known were no more than a dream. A dream and a nightmare. But hey, he could deal with that. He had started by playing with Rocky and Hana, his Chowchows, then by taking another shower, the sort that would not strike pain into his heart. After that, the mundane act of cooking dinner and eating - though everything tasted bland - completed his night. It was deathly boring and so normal that he almost fooled himself. He was getting quite good at that... If only he could fool himself about Hoseok. 

Then that damn call. It wasn't as though he was sleeping, of course, but still. The blaring of his ringtone in the dark of the night was not the first thing he expected. For a fleeting second, he hoped it was Hoseok - he couldn't be so lucky though. The number was unrecognizable, but he had never answered something so quickly. At this time, he could only imagine what it might have been, but he doubted it was good. "Good evening, Sir, this is the county hospital, we are looking for a Simon? We have a patient in house that was brought in and we searched his belongings for an ID. He keeps calling out for a Simon and we found the name in his phone, so we thought you might be the next of kin." 

His heart had never dropped so quickly. 

Simon didn't know how he made it out of bed nor got dressed, but within minutes, he was in the car and on his way to the hospital. As soon as he heard the name, though the surname was less than familiar, when he heard "Hoseok", all bets were off. The younger needed him and had been calling to him, he would be there. Upon making it to the hospital, Simon checked in to the emergency room, where they cruelly made him sit, wait, and ponder everything that had happened. Hours later, when Hoseok was out of his minor surgery, Simon was finally allowed entry into the sterile and thankfully private room that they had given him. 

Nothing in the world could have prepared him for the sight that met his eyes. The blood. The bandages. The horrific bruising so unlike anything he had seen the night before. It made Simon lose his breath, in such a way that he did not know if he might choke, or vomit. It was not the thing he was expecting, Hoseok looking as though he had been through a horrific car accident or building explosion. The simple explanation given of "Someone called to report a badly beaten man in the streets" was not good enough without someone to blame, someone to go hurt for hurting this man as much as they had. It killed Simon to be the helpless one in this situation, the one feeling guilty for not being there. Not stopping him, nor calling him, nor trying sooner to find him. Giving him a day to find himself was a wonderful plan, he thought to himself, as he surveyed the damage a little closer. 

It was only when he dared to step within three feet of the bed at all that he noticed Hoseok was awake. Awake and seemingly looking at him with the one eye he had to use. It was quite glazed, through pain medication, no doubt, but Simon felt it: Hoseok knew he was there. 

"Hoseok," Simon gave a grim half smile, tugging at his already open collar before stepping closer, trying to find the words to say. To tell the other, reassuring and strong for him, but nothing came. The sound of his name, then moments of silence as the blonde leaned over the side of the bed to touch him, biting his lip to feel how cold Hoseok's skin was to his warmed fingertips. What could he do, what could he say? The lines and bandages entangling the beaten form told him a story he was not prepared for, and he felt that, if he had only not been so selfish as to think he could fix everything - if he had been more passionate, maybe, and gone right after him, searching the streets - that none of this might have happened. 

"Hoseok, how... Well, that's a stupid question, I'm sure, but how are you feeling? Can you speak? Do you need anything?" He asked, his words coming out in a rush as they seemed to when he got flustered, holding the hand that seemed less bruised of the two, and also being the hand connected to the arm with his IV lines in it. Simon was surreptitious about how he touched, held, or grabbed him in any way at this point, trying to be comforting, without being an additional source of discomfort. 

"What happened to you, can you tell me? I... I know we were supposed to meet again, but not like this..." Simon continued to talk, thinking that it may be only for himself, so he did not worry about his voice cracking, nor how he cleared his throat every other word, it seemed. God, he would give anything to know who, why, where any of this happened. Why Hoseok was so battered again. If there was some way he could have stopped any of this from happening in any way...  
\--  
His name was called out before silence consumed the other. Hoseok stilled, his eyes never leaving the older man that had spoken, confirming his existence and it was terrifying. He didn't know how long he was there, nor how much the hospital told him. He didn't know how they knew so much as to call him in the first place. His thoughts went straight to his phone which had Simon's number in it and he searched the room quickly to find his duffel bag in the corner, completely untouched. A sigh of relief slipped, because that was everything Hoseok owned. He stifled the relieved chuckle as Simon was now leaning against the bed, touching him, and speaking. He allowed him to spill out the million words that were thrown at him at once. The man was shocked, and Hoseok couldn't blame him. Who wouldn't be, being called out at who knows what hour- the curtains covered the window- and told that a man they knew was at the hospital. He probably looked like shit too. 

The younger frowned, looking away, thinking of something to say. What would he tell him? He clearly couldn't tell him the truth, fearing he may run away at the knowledge of his terrible past. He had already come here, and Hoseok wanted to keep him as long as he could. So he lied. Again. "Uh- you know how the streets get at night, and I'm not really that strong, so a group of people kinda ganged up on me. Too bad for them I didn't have any money to offer them" he laughed painfully, coughing a second later at the pressure on his chest. His voice was hoarse, probably from being knocked out by drugs, and his body ached. The medications seemed to be slowly wearing off as pain crawled its way back, and he wanted to die thinking about the hospital bill. The only truth in his words was that he didn't have anything. The front payment he received was given back to the production company, and last month's pay was nothing but a 10 dollar bill now. He was screwed, and he was a coward. He still couldn't look up, to meet Simon's eyes, instead he focused on the hand that gripped his own, playing with his fingers.  
\--  
Slowly toying with the fingers that weakly pawned at his own, Simon bit his lips together, taking in the words. They weren't true. They couldn't be. How could they be? When Hoseok left, it was early morning, what had he done, where had he gone? And even more, why was it that now, twice out of two times, Hoseok had left his sight, gone into the city and come back battered, this time to the point of hospitalization? Something wasn't adding up properly. Mulling over the hoarse lies, it took the blond a moment, but he pulled back, placing both of his hands on the bedside railing and leaving the cool one that he wanted to touch so badly. 

"Don't lie to me." His words were curt, cold, and short as he tried to process this. They had shared something, and it was something special to him; he doubted Hoseok was that good of an actor which meant he must have felt the same way. If he did, then why lie, Simon asked himself, hands tightening to the point of being white knuckled on the rail. The idea of being lied to grated his already frayed nerves into oblivion. Simon could feel his jaw setting, teeth almost grinding as he shook his head, eyes staying fixed on the cold white tile. 

"Don't you dare lie to me again, Hoseok. If you care about me, or any of this at all, if you want me to be here and help care for you..." His voice was growing weaker, thick with emotions, and it killed him a little inside, the way he was always so goddamned transparent. Simon wished that Hoseok would take a page from his book and try it right now, because if he didn't get the truth... Well, he didn't rightfully know what he would do. "If I mean anything to you at all, and you don't want to watch me walk out that door, and break my promise to come find you again... Then tell me the truth. Everything. I need you to tell me - trust me!" 

For the first time since he'd started speaking, the bespectacled teacher lifted his head, eyes wet again with tears he did not think it was possible to have. He hurt so much, through guilt and sympathy for the other, that he had no other option. He couldn't lash out, he couldn't force it from the younger, but he still needed the sign of good faith from Hoseok that his pain was not unfounded. That there was still a glimmer of hope to be had. Because no matter what, as long as he was honest, Simon would fulfil every promise he had made, and do whatever it took to get Hoseok back on his feet.  
\--  
He could see the other knew he was lying, it was too obvious to miss and Hoseok didn't have enough time to come up with anything better. It ripped at his heart when the other finally came to the realization and released his hand from his own. There it was. He knew he was in trouble now. Simon's anger was plain on his face, and he could almost feel the heat radiating off him and punching Hoseok in the face, his words scraping at his chest. He didn't know when Simon had made the said promise, and it hurt him to think that he did, regardless of the bit of happiness that desperately tugged at his lips to release the frown. It wouldn't work however, the pain was too great. Hoseok didn't like how the other threatened to leave either, his pride almost taking over, but he already fucked up enough, and it was time to make things right. He wanted to ease the pain off SImon. Even if a little. 

"Trust..." the word slipped out without him realizing, and finally their eyes met, the other's filled with tears that threatened to spill and Hoseok felt his heart sink. Fuck... How could he make Simon cry? He should go to hell for this. "It's not that I don't trust you..." his fear came back to him, knowing that once the other knew of the dreaded mess that was his life, he would be out the door regardless of his previous threats. He owed him this much however, it was unfair to keep the truth to himself anymore after all they had shared. He couldn't hurt this man anymore, and if telling the truth led to his departure, then Hoseok would deal with the pain alone, without giving the older anymore to push him down further. The younger reached up, wiping away the tears that slipped and winced at his aching back. "If I'm going to tell you anything... I need you to be quiet until I'm finished. Can you promise me that? Can you hear me out to the very end?"  
\--  
Simon was holding back so much, he felt, even though he had said his peace. He wanted to hurt someone; He wanted revenge for what had happened to Hoseok; He wanted to leave right now and be done with this whole mess; He wanted so much, but knew that his wants were not paramount at this time. It hurt him deeply to feel those cold hands come up and wipe his face, a touch of frost against his otherwise warm body, though rather than making him shiver, he leaned into it. God, how he had missed that touch, and to have it in this environment... Well the man knew that he did not want to see this scene repeated ever again. "Fine, fine... I'll sit down and shut up - but only if you swear to tell me everything, Hoseok. I can't take another lie, or half truth..."

Simon's words were softer now, less rushed, but still just as pained and needful as it had been. If this was his only chance, he wanted to take it, and this was a want that he could indulge himself in. Letting go of the bed's rail, Simon leaned back for a second before looking around the room and grabbing what he needed: A chair. He tugged it over to the side of the bed he had been standing on, and sat down heavily. Now, he felt quite the sense of anticipation, and anxiety. He was nervous as hell to hear what Hoseok would have to say, but he knew that - for both of them - it needed to come out. Taking a deep breath, Simon reached out once more, taking up the younger's cool hand once more in both of his own larger, warm ones. He hoped this was a good enough sign that he was ready to listen, and see Hoseok for all that he was.  
\--  
Strength had somehow been injected into him at the other's warm touch and words. He watched the teacher's expressions, his own dark, frightened almost as his past played in his head and he knew he couldn't run away anymore. He honestly didn't know where to start. "Don’t be too shocked... this may be a lot to take in..." he trailed off, warning him, watching Simon for anything that even remotely resembled disgust for his future words. "I used to work for a gang up until a few hours ago" he laughed awkwardly, gesturing to his injuries "this is the aftermath..." his eyes dropped for a moment wondering how else he could continue without pushing him away but every direction was just as terrible as the next and the recollection of memories brought tears to the corners of his eyes. He would never allow them to slip. Not when Simon was probably suffering more because of him. 

"You're probably wondering how this all started huh?" He looked at him again, blinking away the threatening tears. He wasn't really hoping for an answer so he continued. "When I was 16 my parents caught me kissing a boy from my class" He chuckled lightly, his hold tightening on Simon's hands. Fuck, his chest felt like it was being ripped apart. "I guess having a gay son was not in their agenda, so they kicked me out, no money, nothing" He tilted his head, a smile still playing on his face regardless of the incredible pull on his heart. It may have been a way for him to cope. Maybe it was just him trying to act strong for Simon's sake. "I made it to Seoul somehow..." His eyes flickered to everything but Simon's face. Not wanting to see him anymore because he was scared. His body began shivering, his lips still stretched stubbornly, but a small pull was forming into a frown as he continued, the tears a word away from spilling. Damn it why was he so weak...

"I was homeless for a long time, almost died on the street until a man came by one day-" He gulped, clearing his throat. Looking down. Ashamed of his pitiful life. "I did a few jobs at first, all of them included some form of sexual service at the end. It was terrifying at first but eventually I got used to it" He spat out, disgusted with himself. "I just turned 17 when-" Hoseok's eyes met Simon's again for a quick moment, not enough to read his expressions, but just an automatic response at his next words. He was so fucking scared. His voice lowered to a barely audio whisper. "I was walking home, got mugged and beaten of course, what a great way to celebrate a birthday. I was really weak back then, a punch took me down easily" He tried to control his shaking but it was beyond his control now, his voice mimicking his body. The tears finally slipped, making their way across his cheeks and down, dripping to the blanket and he didn't realize how hard he was holding onto Simon's hands until he noticed his knuckles turning white. "I was... I don't know who he was, but after the gang fled, he came. He came over and I thought he was going to help" Hoseok looked into Simon's eyes, searching for comfort, sobbing now. His lower lip shivering, his teeth chattering. "He just... I didn’t know what to do. How to stop him and he just kept going. He was strong and pushed me down so easily I... fuck... " he wiped violently at his tears and snot, his vision going hazy now. He didn’t know how he would react to this, never speaking about it to anyone before Simon and it hurt so much more than he thought. He was becoming barely coherent as he tried to continue because he promised to tell the other everything and he didn’t know if he could ever talk about it again. So he wanted to get it over with. He wanted to share his pain, his pathetic self. The pain in his chest kept ripping him apart, his sobbing becoming uncontrollable, hyperventilating like a child. "I just let him take me..." he took a shaky breath in, his lungs tightening, "he just kept going" he repeated. "He took out a knife at one point. I didn’t know if I was going to live to see what he was planning to do with it. I didn’t expect him to cut at my back and arms with it-" he disconnected the touch that kept him sane, letting go of Simon's hands and cupping his face. Hiding as he always did. "I don't know how it happened." 

"I woke up on the ground and the knife was in my hand" he pulled up his legs, wrapping his arms around his knees and placing his head between them, attempting to control his breathing. "I killed him Simon."

He didn't know how much he could say before breaking down again, his violent self taking over. He knew if that were to reoccur, if he were to hurt Simon again without realizing because of his selfish way of escape, he would never forgive himself. He tried to continue but it was becoming harder to breath and nothing was making it better.


	9. Peace of Mind

Simon sat, stock still and stone faced as the words poured from the other, wondering what more could come from him to change their relationship any more. Just hearing he worked for a gang brought up a wealth of questions, wondering how he worked for them, in what capacity, but... None of that really mattered. It was not his job to think or ponder about Hoseok's past, he just had to listen and try not to let this change his opinion of the younger. He had to be strong, if nothing else, for Hoseok's sake. 

The rest of the speech was... shocking to say the least. But the teacher maintained his strong, cold face, not letting anything peek through his facade. Nothing. He had to keep it in, though he was silently freaking the fuck out. He had fallen in love with not only a prostitute, but also a murderer, and was now sitting here at his bedside, trying to comfort him as he confessed to his sins like this was his last night on the planet. For all the things he could have imagined coming from his mouth tonight, none of this was it. 

Leaning back once his hands were released, Simon brought them to his face, tenting them over his lips to obscure his face at least a little and not have to maintain so much restraint. He needed to think, to process, to figure out a way to rectify the situation -- But it wasn't coming. Breathing in and out was about as much as he could manage right now, taking the majority of his efforts to do regularly. Hoseok needed him, but everything in his body was telling him to pull away, since everything he knew about the other was- Well, as he thought on it, it wasn't a lie, but the things that he had been told now were very large omissions from the other's history, and things that might have made him take a second look at Hoseok before running away if he had known them initially. 

What he had to try and figure out now, that the other had given him all the information he had asked for and was being so vulnerable in front of him, was how to take it. Did any of this change the Hoseok he knew? Not really. Did it explain quite a bit about his personality? Definitely. But it also changed the way Simon looked at him, now he could understand why Hoseok was tattooed in such a manner, even though the dark, intricate designs belied most of his personality, they covered the scars that he must be so ashamed of. Fuck. How had he not thought of that before? 

Nodding after quite some time of sitting in silence, Simon pulled his body upright and leaned forward, his back aching slightly from the lazy, slumped position he had been in. He needed to touch the other, let him know he was there and reassure Hoseok that nothing would change. Not right this second anyways. "Hoseok, I can't say that I know how you feel, nor what you're going through, but... I haven't left yet, okay? I'll stay here until you kick my ass or kick me out, alright?" His words were given with a small laugh, trying to be reassuring and show how he cared all at once, but it was also a laugh of nervousness, wholly believing that Hoseok might have the capacity to hurt him if he touched him at this moment.  
\--  
He wasn't shocked at the shaky breaths. He didn't even flinch when the other spoke, his voice so small, his laugh fabricated, contrived. The younger knew this would happen- no... He hoped for it. Hoseok hoped, in the deepest part of his mind that the older, seemingly sheltered male, would fear him, walk away in disgust, no matter how much his heart ran in the opposite direction. He hoped that he would stay away because Hoseok had nothing to offer him. He was a mess- a being that was kicked and used to every degree and he knew not how to fix it. So why would someone as educated and sophisticated as Simon ever come near him, or even want to stay after hearing the truth? It was inevitable, and foolish to think otherwise. To think that someone would ever love a man like him.

It calmed him. The other's silent actions and further, the uncertain, shaky words managed to bring his destructive self to a milder point. He was finally back to his lethargic, detached self that he would always search for when catastrophic thoughts hit- when he couldn't deal properly with his situation. He wouldn't look at him, not anymore, knowing exactly where it would lead, and he wasn't about to go there. "Liar." the word spilled out like acid and ice, emotionless and too harsh to really be the same man he was the night before when they were together. He shook his head, his inner gravity pushing him away from the other with an inexplicable force. "You don't have to pretend. Don't say things to make me feel better, because I don't want your pity, I never fucking did" the younger wiped at his tears aggressively. 

"If you want to leave-" 

Why couldn't he continue? Why couldn't he say it. His breath hitched when the words were about to slip, his body automatically backing off the most sensitive topic that crushed him whenever he would merely think of it. Simon was the only human being to this point that had wanted him, even for a moment, for who he was. He was the only person who was there for him, helped him, cried with him. He was the only person that cared enough to breath his name, and Hoseok didn't know how to leave him. The boy shook his head again, pushing back the tears that dared to threaten at the corners of his eyes and scowled instead. He needed to pull himself together. To push through this until he knew Simon was far and safe, then- Hoseok would figure something out. He would find a way. He always did. 

"There's more to this than I could voice" his tone taking on some emotion now, softer, smaller. He was lost. "I just-" he gulped, finding every bit of strength left in his lifeless, destroyed body to allow him to continue. To end this. "I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy, and I don't think you're in the right place" finally their eyes met, Hoseok's stuck and unable to move away from the powerful force that cornered him, pulled him in even deeper each time he would think of looking away. He wanted to reach out, but he wouldn't dare. He wanted to cry, cling to the other, but he couldn't. What the hell was it that Hoseok was so addicted to with the other? How could he be so weak and vulnerable whenever he was around Simon?

"You should go."  
\--  
The word hit Simon like a ton of bricks, smashing what little self-confidence he had in his words and making him close his eyes in pain. Hoseok knew just how to strike him where it hurt - But the question of whether he was doing it out of preservation for himself or actual hate clung close to the word that rang out over and over again to the teacher. He wanted to remind the other that he didn't mean it, that he was just dissociating himself from the situation, that he was pushing Simon away... But it seemed like Hoseok was not ready to hear it. Not quite yet. 

"You know you don't mean it." He said, shaking his head softly, "And this isn't about pity..." Simon reiterated, continuing the slow side to side action of his head in denial. He couldn't bare to have the pain and scrutiny of Hoseok thinking that he only cared for him for the night, or for as long as they were together. He also didn't know how to tell him that he cared for more than that either. No matter what words he needed to get out, they weren't coming to him. How? How could he make Hoseok believe that this wasn't just a one off, just a thing - That he did not love, get close, keep consorts, make friends, nothing of the sort - easily at all? And yet somewhere, beneath the boiling anger that it posed as, the disgust and disdain... He and Hoseok had called to one another, filling voids they didn't even know each other had. 

Simon wondered why Hoseok chose now to be so... Frustrating. To push back when he just wanted to be close, after he came all the way here, proving what he felt, the extent of what could become devotion if Hoseok would just let him. Grabbing his hands, Simon did not allow him the escape. No matter what words were spoken, no matter how hard he pushed, he'd stick to what he said, Hoseok would have to kick his ass if he wanted him out of this room. 

"You don't just get to tell me that. You don't get to keep pushing without me pushing back, Hoseok. What, did you think- I was going to go silently, after this? I let you go once, I was foolish enough to let you slip away from me in the night, thinking that maybe - If I showed you some affection and understanding that you would stick around, forget how cruel you were for a second - but somehow, you still... You still managed to leave." What started out as a calm and logical argument for the teacher soon grew impassioned, his words starting out quiet and mild as he ever was before lifting into something he almost could not contain, save for the stark white that surrounded him, reminding him that after a certain point, he would be asked to leave the room by someone with more authority than the man laying in the bed before him. 

"You left me once, and I told you I would follow you, come find you... It took a shitty phone call at 4am, but I'm here. Do you think I'm going to just walk away because you said so now?" Simon's voice was sticking in his throat as he tried to say any more, his strong hands threatening to crush Hoseok's smaller ones if he forgot himself for even a second or grew anymore impassioned, having no other outlet for how strongly he felt at this very moment. He was getting used to the sensation of wanting to cry, the burning that seized his lungs, eyes and throat, making his adam's apple bob uncontrollably, his limbs shaking gently with everything that he was holding back. Simon lifted his body up from the chair, letting go of the hands he wanted to hold onto for so much longer, to bring Hoseok into his arms - All of him. He held onto him tightly, trying to figure out what to say that could change anything about how the younger felt. "If you can tell me, in all honesty, that you don't need me in some way... Then I'll leave. But until then..." He sighed, holding back on so much. 

"I am not going anywhere."  
\--  
There were no words, no further actions that could possibly explain the depth of Hoseok's scars. There was nothing more the boy could do to overcome his past and present, and with everything- He just wanted things to end. Everything to disappear. The heart that clung to the abyss it was thrown in for so many years finally crawled it's way out at the voice and body that clung to him, giving everything it could to this one being, and contradicting his mind's defense mechanism in the form of constantly pushing Hoseok to run. Run from everything and everyone at the first sign of conflict or even remote intimacy. He was quiet for a long time. He wanted to confirm the other's words, crying out and telling him that of course he didn't fucking mean it. Of course he wanted him here, always. He wanted to tell Simon that he was so thankful and undeserving. That he wanted him to stay with him and apologize for ever hurting him. His thoughts could not come through however. 

"Who am I to you?" the sound came in a whisper, following the other's words that continued to mess him up. Hoseok gave up control, melting in the other's touch, taking in his scent, his harsh chest, shoulders, and arms that gripped him so tightly. He didn't know how to return such affection, forgetting and could only close his eyes, enjoying the moment for the time it could last. "Who am I that you're willing to ignore everything I said and-" He couldn't recognize his own voice, and truly hoped he wasn't crying again. He was too numb to tell. He wasn't Hoseok anymore. "Who am I to you Simon?"

There was a long moment of silence, and he relished in it. His mind blank, his heart boiling in his chest, beating so hard and pulling him down and he feared that the other could feel his heartbeat against their connected chests. Maybe he was exaggerating, maybe this wasn't really the way he put it. Maybe he was dead or sleeping, and this moment was a terribly beautiful dream and Simon was enjoying his life, far away from him. Maybe Hoseok wasn't even at this hospital and the leader actually killed him. Why was this so hard? Why was the idea of allowing someone he loved to come closer so frightening? 

He loved him?

Hoseok loved him. 

Simon was everything and in the midst of chaos, he could only think of Simon. In all this cruelty and his own destruction, he could only see Simon and the urge to speak out was too strong and before even waiting for an answer, before he could use his brain far enough to think of whether the other possibly shared his affection or not, Hoseok opened his stupid mouth. The words clear on his tongue, louder than his previous questions, somehow his body wanting the world to hear his confession as he spoke in the man's ear, "I love you."  
\--  
Simon felt when Hoseok gave up, and actually stopped trying to runaway from him, something that he never thought he would actually get to be present for. But the silent solace that Hoseok seemed to find was what Simon had hoped for. He wanted the other to feel safe in his embrace, to feel the unconditional affection that he had to offer. The love that he had for Hoseok that promised to fix things from here on out. That was something Simon was not afraid of, and he wanted to see Hoseok share the same acceptance. 

It was with such a heavy heart that he took in the last words that threatened this feeling -- The words that showed the last of Hoseok's protest, his fear, his dissociation from everything -- and Simon pulled back slightly, wanting to look at him, needing Hoseok to see the honesty in his eyes. The honesty he had never once held back, but now found his own fear in. That glimpse was enough for Simon to realize everything he needed to know had been there all along, any time he looked at Hoseok, pulling him closer once again. 

What was he? How did Simon explain it? How did he explain that somehow, against all odds, he had found favor in the other; That Hoseok had become something, in just a few short days, that he could not see himself without. He was drawn in with every beat of his heart, every gradually softening reaction, to see that the broken male needed something that he could give. He had become encompassed by the sweet nature that showed through in fleeting glimpses, the childish antics that were only shown to him in the depth of night. Hoseok had become everything that he could want or see, everything he needed to feel whole. He was just that - And it took him asking for Simon to even realize it. 

It took everything in him to force the words out, but he could not get them out fast enough for Hoseok, who, in true form, could do nothing better than beat him to the punch. It left Simon in a daze, the stunned silence bleeding through the room before he could stop it. He sat stark upright, his eyes wide behind his glasses, not knowing how to respond initially, everything he had come to the conclusion of falling right out of his head, aside from those few words that he could cling to right now. Love. He hadn't hoped in vain. 

"You... Are everything to me. The man I love, unconditionally." 

It almost brought another round of tears to his eyes to look into Hoseok's deep brown ones, to tell him this, and be so transparent to him. He wanted to give him all of himself, everything that he could be and do and offer, to show Hoseok how deeply he felt this. Why else? He would have never suffered through everything that he had in the past week if he had not felt as deeply as he had. If he had not fallen in love with Hoseok somewhere along the way. 

Sighing after laying his heavy heart out for the other to see, Simon fell back against Hoseok, this time hugging him for himself, for his own selfish need to feel that affection back in some small form from the inked male. They were in love. Both of them. The realization of not being alone, not having been unrequited, was an amazing one. As empty as he had felt when Hoseok left, that was all reversed now... He was filled in a way that he had not known, even with the thing he had called love before. This was truly all he needed. Hoseok, his everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy- This is finally over and I can't believe it. This fic was so real to me and took so much out of me it's ridiculous. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who took the time to read it. I love you all.


End file.
